alexandra813
05-28-2011, 07:25 PM
I am back from a relapse, and I am keenly aware of the power and dangers that lurk with this disease. I feel a sense of surrender, finally, as I realized that I could no longer keep playing with fire. It is imperative that I take this disease, and call it what it is; deadly. I have lost the power of choice over even one of the pieces of sugary whatever that I so freely consumed; yet repeating the cycle over and over again. The cycle begins when you take that first bite. Your body sends a message to your misfiring brain that one is definitely not enough setting up a craving beyond your control. At least it is beyond my control. And in my weakest moments, there is no one else who can stop me if I make the decision to start the cycle again, except for the Loving Hand of the God of my understanding. Today, I choose to put down the food. God willing, sugar, flour and wheat is not an option. I commit my food to my sponsor every morning, I say my prayers, I read literature, I call other food addicts, I write, I meditate, I do whatever it takes to get through the day. Some days are easy; some are more stressful-and that is when I call on God. I have once again been given the gift of willingness..and I will not give this gift back. Love to all of you who seek recovery and those of you still out there. Alexandra813