Brand New to Recovery??!

[step3]

Here are a couple of posts with some thoughts on early abstinence and recovery. They are adapted from answers given by Outreach Members in FAA's Online Support to newcomers to FAA. If you have any questions about getting abstinent, staying abstinent, or working the FAA program of recovery, please either reply to this post or start a new thread with the question. Welcome to FAA!

"Congratulations on three days of abstinence from sugar! You didn't mention flour or wheat, but in FAA we learned that as food addicts we have an addictive response to any form of flour or wheat (in addition to any form of sugar). FAA offers a suggested food plan that allows the toxic substances (for food addicts) of sugar, flour, and wheat to be completely removed from our bodies. We consult the list called 99 Names of Sugar to make sure we're not ingesting anything (sugar/flour/wheat) that acts as sugar in the food addict's body.

FAA food plan and the 99 Names of Sugar:

http://www.foodaddictsanonymous.org/faa-food-plan

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"A good way to stay focused is to start applying the recovery slogan One Day at a Time.

Just for today, I can take care of myself. I can prepare my abstinent food and eat it according to the time schedule I learned about in the Guide to Abstinence. The Guide to Abstinence is where the FAA food plan can be found. The information in the Guide to Abstinence supplements the food plan. It has lots of tips and also has the list of sugar/flour/wheat. To see it, follow this link:

http://www.foodaddictsanonymous.org/faa-food-plan

Just for today, I can do some recovery actions. Suggestions of possible recovery actions to take can be found in the Tools for Recovery, pages 287-290 of the FAA Green Book.

Just for today, I choose abstinence from s/f/w over the insanity of active food addiction.

Just for today, I don't look for a way out, thinking I can always come back. There are no guarantees that the disease will allow me to come back after a relapse.

Just for today, I completely surrender to my powerlessness over sugar, flour, and wheat. I admit to myself that because of being in active food addiction, my life had become unmanageable.

Just for today, I will not eat sugar, flour or wheat in any form. Just for today."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If you have not received your literature yet, there are some writings on the literature in two of the other forums here in Online Support that you can read for inspiration. The forums are FAA's 12 Steps and FAA Literature (links below). Also here is a link for the area in the FAA Store that has literature specifically for newcomers.

http://www.foodaddictsanonymous.org/forums/forumdisplay.php/65-FAA-s-12-STEPS

http://www.foodaddictsanonymous.org/forums/forumdisplay.php/61-Literature-Discussions

http://www.foodaddictsanonymous.org/catalog/4

Best wishes, and keep coming back!

[muskyfvr]

I am new. In fact, I have not yet decided if this is the path for me. I am already trying to figure my way out of it if necessary, thinking I can just pop back into being abstinent. I know that is no way to begin.

I feel I have to say good bye to the food, by one last binge. I wish I could have a bite of everything I crave one last time...because forever is ...well forever. It saddens me terribly. I know I would feel better and look better and think better etc.... when abstinent, but I can't help but feel what I feel right now. Any suggestions???

[CarlyB]

I totally understand what you are saying!! I just joined and although i get that i need to do this and i do want to... i just have no idea how and fear losing my coping mechanism despite its negative impact on ny life... it feels too big... like im too far gone to make it back...although i lie to myself daily telling myself ill just quickly lose the weight and can stop doing this to myself..

im scared and feel like i am not strong enough..

[alicemdavid]

Hello and Welcome to Food Addicts Anonymous,

This is not a foreverthing, you only have to do this for one day...Just one day at a time it is amazing how the days add up to months and then to years...So I keep it simple... one day @ a time is all this food addict can manage, it so much more managable one day @ a time!!!!



I can do this today. My Higher Power has shown me that I can. I can pray for abstinence and guidance. I can experience freedom from the pain of addiction. Today I can prepare and eat three healthy meals and a metabolic and spend the rest of the time living my life. I can cope with the emotions that come up when I stop stuffing them down. I can reach out to another food addict, go to a meeting, call a sponsor, or read recovery literature. Today I do not have to control the world and the people around me. I know that I am responsible only for my actions and myself. Today I will focus on the present and live in the solution. If I think too much about the future, and never eating sugar again as long as I live, I set myself up. I am moving away from recovery and into diet mentality. If I dwell on the past with its failures, I am surrounding myself with negativity.

For today, I am grateful for turning my life and my will over to the care of my Higher Power.

One Day at a Time
from our daily meatation book food for the soul page120

[arleneh8745]

Hello and Welcome to Food Addicts Anonymous,

This is not a foreverthing, you only have to do this for one day...Just one day at a time it is amazing how the days add up to months and then to years...So I keep it simple... one day @ a time is all this food addict can manage, it so much more managable one day @ a time!!!!


I can do this today. My Higher Power has shown me that I can. I can pray for abstinence and guidance. I can experience freedom from the pain of addiction. Today I can prepare and eat three healthy meals and a metabolic and spend the rest of the time living my life. I can cope with the emotions that come up when I stop stuffing them down. I can reach out to another food addict, go to a meeting, call a sponsor, or read recovery literature. Today I do not have to control the world and the people around me. I know that I am responsible only for my actions and myself. Today I will focus on the present and live in the solution. If I think too much about the future, and never eating sugar again as long as I live, I set myself up. I am moving away from recovery and into diet mentality. If I dwell on the past with its failures, I am surrounding myself with negativity.

For today, I am grateful for turning my life and my will over to the care of my Higher Power.

One Day at a Time
from our daily meatation book food for the soul page120


This is a one day at a time program.. I eat my meals breakfast lunch and dinner and a metabolic at night.. I go to meetings, on the phone as there are none here in florida.. We have about 40 phone meetings a week.. There is a marathon meeting on Valentines Day from 3pm to 1:am.. Lots of topics and great support..hope you can make it.. One day at a time..
Keep coming back.. our new telephone number is 712-432-0900 pin 433801#

Arlene in Florida

[Iouhp1]

I am new to this site and am looking for some wisdom and insight to to FAA. I am in other 12 step groups. Anyone wishing to help me out would be great
Thanks

[alicemdavid]

I am new to this site and am looking for some wisdom and insight to to FAA. I am in other 12 step groups. Anyone wishing to help me out would be great
Thanks

Welcome to online support. If you want what we have than you have to do what we do, There is so much information here all you have to do is read thru the forums!! I have learned Abstinence alone does not last on our own. When we do what this program prescribes, it works and it lasts. Without spiritual support and growth, relapse is inevitable.

FAA is a wonderful program order the new comers literature bundle it is so worth it!! All the answers are in the literature it was written by food addicts, all you have to do is follow good orderly direction

http://www.foodaddictsanonymous.org/newcomers-book-bundle


The FAA Chat Room is open 24 hours per day, and is reserved for one hour informal Open Chats on Tuesdays at 9:00 pm, Thursdays at 7:00 am, and Fridays at 9:00 pm. All times are Eastern Standard Time. Someone will be in the Chat Room during these hours to answer questions or chat with newcomers and any other FAA member. To get into the Chat Room, visit the FAA website at www.foodaddictsanonymous.org (http://www.foodaddictsanonymous.org/), look under "Meetings", then look under "Online Meetings".
Online FAA meetings are held in the FAA Chat Room each weekend. Saturdays at 11:00 am is a Beginner's meeting, and Sundays at 1:00 pm is based on FAA's Food for the Soul book. These meeting times are Eastern Standard Time. Online meetings are formal FAA meetings, and all are welcome to attend.
Please feel free to contact Marya with any questions about FAA's Online Support of the FAA Chat Room at faatoday@gmail.com (faatoday@gmail.com)

[Iouhp1]

Thanks so much for replying. I use the spiritual tools of the program. I had not heard of FAA prior to this. I had went on a cruise and attended 12 step meetings and several of the persons attending called themselves food addicts. I really appreciate you reaching out. I will get the literature you suggested and also the online meeting. My recovery comes first in my life. I also noticed that they have a specific food plan they follow. Once again thanks so much for your response.
Pat




Welcome to online support. If you want what we have than you have to do what we do, There is so much information here all you have to do is read thru the forums!! I have learned Abstinence alone does not last on our own. When we do what this program prescribes, it works and it lasts. Without spiritual support and growth, relapse is inevitable.

FAA is a wonderful program order the new comers literature bundle it is so worth it!! All the answers are in the literature it was written by food addicts, all you have to do is follow good orderly direction

http://www.foodaddictsanonymous.org/newcomers-book-bundle


The FAA Chat Room is open 24 hours per day, and is reserved for one hour informal Open Chats on Tuesdays at 9:00 pm, Thursdays at 7:00 am, and Fridays at 9:00 pm. All times are Eastern Standard Time. Someone will be in the Chat Room during these hours to answer questions or chat with newcomers and any other FAA member. To get into the Chat Room, visit the FAA website at www.foodaddictsanonymous.org (http://www.foodaddictsanonymous.org/), look under "Meetings", then look under "Online Meetings".
Online FAA meetings are held in the FAA Chat Room each weekend. Saturdays at 11:00 am is a Beginner's meeting, and Sundays at 1:00 pm is based on FAA's Food for the Soul book. These meeting times are Eastern Standard Time. Online meetings are formal FAA meetings, and all are welcome to attend.
Please feel free to contact Marya with any questions about FAA's Online Support of the FAA Chat Room at faatoday@gmail.com (faatoday@gmail.com)

[batmole]

Hi, I hoping in FAA I have finally found something that can help me. I have struggled everyday of my life with eating and my weight. Whenever i've been to the doctors to beg for help their response is just to eat less or if i'm hungry not to eat at all. This has sent me into a spirral of depression leading to more binge eating followed by guilt. FAA seems to be filled with other people that feel the way i do.

There is so much information on this website that i would be grateful if someone could give me some meal ideas. I'm based in the UK are there any meetings here?

Any help from anyone will be gratefully appreciated as I'm determined to beat this addiction.

Thanks

Karen

[gollum]

:blue:
I am new to this site and am looking for some wisdom and insight to to FAA. I am in other 12 step groups. Anyone wishing to help me out would be great
Thanks

I just joined today and am in despair! I just want to die. I can't stop eating. I'm eating rubbish at the moment. I'm also in 2 other 12 step programmes. andymarmion@gmail.com

[alicemdavid]

:blue:

I just joined today and am in despair! I just want to die. I can't stop eating. I'm eating rubbish at the moment. I'm also in 2 other 12 step programmes. andymarmion@gmail.com


Hello Andy

Welcome to Food Addicts Anonymous. Welcome home we have been waiting for you and are glad you are with us on our journey to recovery.

I can so relate to your feelings and your behaviors I was once there too, and if I don't keep coming back here. I am in immediate danger of going back to the non stop eating & eating trash, and feeling like I am going to die...I need the we of this program. I need a constant reminder that I am a food addict and I have a bio chemical addiction to sugar flour & wheat, I also added high fat foods to my list. I have found here that by eliminating them from my body the cravings go away and the beauty of it is I only have to do it one day @ a time!!

This is a we program. We need the loving help and support of one another. United we stand divided we fall. Sponsorship is one of the tools of our program, It was suggested to me when I came here to attend 90 meetings in 90 days...that was a long while ago and I haven't missed a day since. I need the meetings they are my medicine. After the meeting we ask questions and give out phone (http://www.foodaddictsanonymous.org/forums/#) numbers, please collect numbers then make out reach calls from those who may be experiencing what you are experiencing or those whom you can relate to, and most important listen with an open mind and keep coming back. Here is a link to the phone meeting times and numbers.

http://www.foodaddictsanonymous.org/phone-meetings (http://www.foodaddictsanonymous.org/phone-meetings)


As your journey continues you will learn more about the tools of recovery, attached is a link to the tools on our website. There are many tools. You will learn them as you go...most important keep coming back... Again welcome home!! Glad you are here.

http://www.foodaddictsanonymous.org/tools-recovery (http://www.foodaddictsanonymous.org/tools-recovery)

[GaVa37098]

I don't even know where to start. I am new to this site and to the 12-step program but have been trying to follow the FAA food plan for several months now. I have found it impossible to "do it on my own" which is why I am now reaching out for support. I have battled food addiction for my entire adult life and it has almost ruined me completely. I have BiPolar II and am currently on a Leave of Absence from my work because I am so depressed over not being able to control my food that I would just rather die. I'm a dancer but because of my addiction I am too overweight to dance without causing possible injury. I feel like I have lost my soul. I am terrified and I don't have anywhere else to turn. I wish I had FAA meetings in my area. I feel that face-to-face is what I need most right now. Any suggestions?

[JustForToday]

I think most of us wish we had F2F (face to face) meetings in our area. The reality of it is that most of us don't and we have found support in the phone meetings, online meetings in the FAA chat room and the FAALoop which is on the Yahoo/groups or by getting the names and numbers of those who say things at meetings that we relate to.

You can start a F2F meeting in your area - there are meeting starter kits that have everything you need to start a meeting.

Hope that you will come to open chat on Friday at 9pm Eastern and it's held in the FAA chat room which is on this website. Usually there are some long timers in program who come and are glad to answer questions and talk about any concerns dealing with getting started with recovery from food addiction.

Keep coming back and reaching out to us - we care!

[cindyskylar]

Hi GaVa and welcome.

I would suggest attending meetings. There are face to face meetings, as you know, but also phone meetings, and the FAA Loop. When you hear someone share who you can relate to, ask her if she is available to sponsor you. A sponsor can help you figure out the food plan, will guide you, and, of course, take you through the 12 steps.

Here is a link with the various types of FAA meetings:

http://www.foodaddictsanonymous.org/meetings

And here is a link to a bit of information on sponsorship:

http://www.foodaddictsanonymous.org/sponsorship

This program works, if you work it. You never have to binge eat, overeat, undereat, worry about your weight, obsess about your body or your clothes ever again.

Cindy from NYC

[anna2012]

Hey

This is my first post. My name is Ana, I have food addiction and I have only recently found out about abstinence programmes. I have had this addiction for a few years now, tried inumerous times to control it and eat properly but never succeeded long term. I never adopted the food plans or anything, I was still eating all the foods that triggered my addiction..

All this time the people I spoke to about it kept telling me it didn't matter to overeat if you haven't health problems yet, that everyone did it, etc, that I had to resolve the emotional and life problems first, whilst still eating and then the cravings should disappear... The thing is, life will mostly always bring in stress so that technique just didn't work at all for me. I'm just obsessed with food, amongst all the stress and dificulties, it has become the only thing capable of giving me those 30seconds of peace and joy, only to then fade away into guilt and depression. It's taken control of me.

Now for the first time I see there are more approaches out there (I only found out 4 days ago), much better and sensible ones in my opinion, like the abstinence path. It's really good to know someone out there understands me and recommends an approach I believe will work out best. I guess all this time I was too afraid to actually abstain from the trigger foods because friends looked down on me and told me I shouldn't do that, that I will become anorexic (yeah, right, as if!!), that isn't the way to deal with things, that I wasn't an addict, that I was free to do whatever I wanted, they just don't understand. I find that rather difficult to deal with. I just want freedom from this addiction, it's sucking me away completely.

I'm starting my abstinence food plan tomorrow, 6th August. I would really appreciate if someone out there could offer me some encouragement and advice, I know it's gonna be hard.

my skype name is anasivers, please feel free to add me, I truly would appreciate any support.

[GaVa37098]

Hi Ana,

Just read your post and I completely relate to your struggles. I can tell you that I have now been abstinent 9 days and my head is starting to clear. 90 meetings in 90 days was recommended to me and that's exactly what I plan to do. I have no face-to-face meetings in my area so I attend phone meetings daily, sometimes even twice a day if I need to. I am not quite as terrified as I was 9 days ago, though I know I have a long road ahead. So much spiritual and emotional healing to do now that food is not in the way.

Suzanne

[JessicaP]

I had no idea the power that diet sodas and sugar had on me until I thought about becoming abstinent. I have not started yet and am terrified of losing this crutch that so negatively affects my self confidence and overall health. I am afraid of what the w/d will be like and almost sad to lose the food. I hear "one day at a time" but yet it still feels so overwhelming. I have a bad habit of binge eating late ate night. Any suggestions on what to replace this behavior with?

Thanks so much
JessicaP

[step3]

I had no idea the power that diet sodas and sugar had on me until I thought about becoming abstinent. I have not started yet and am terrified of losing this crutch that so negatively affects my self confidence and overall health. I am afraid of what the w/d will be like and almost sad to lose the food. I hear "one day at a time" but yet it still feels so overwhelming. I have a bad habit of binge eating late ate night. Any suggestions on what to replace this behavior with?

Thanks so much
JessicaP

Dear Jessica,

I have always thought of the "loss" of sugar, flour, and wheat foods as a real loss, just as painful in so many ways as the death of someone very close to me. After all, s/f/w foods got me through difficult emotions sometimes (through stuffing them, but that's all I knew to do). Of course, the situation that engendered the emotions I couldn't face was still there when I came out of my food fog and then I had the guilt of the binge to deal with. Also, it's the nature of addiction to tell me that my substance (s/f/w or whatever other substance I have used in the past to escape myself and life) was my friend, and I believed this. Sugar, flour, wheat items DID seem like a friend to me! But then.... my "friend" turned around and kicked me in the butt! I developed Type 2 Diabetes, I was so heavy I had trouble functioning in the world, I was in a wheelchair for several years (no longer, thank God!) and many other physical problems brought on by my weight. That is to say nothing of the emotional and spiritual problems that come along with addiction.

What helped me was that I ended up doing research and found out about food addiction. I knew, once I read about others who had it, that I was just like them - how amazing, I wasn't the only one in the world who ate and felt the way I did! I came to FAA and started going to phone meetings. I got onto the suggested FAA food plan (slightly modified with the help of my sponsor & physician to take into consideration my medical condition), and I made lots of connections with other FAA members, and I started working FAA's 12 Steps of Recovery.

Another thing that helped with the grief process involved in giving up sugar, flour, and wheat was to write a "goodbye" letter to them. That was very therapeutic for me. It also helped me to know what the grief process involved so that I did not get down on myself during it.

I am glad you are here and talking about this, Jessica. As it says in FAA literature (from the Definition of Abstinence on p. 271 of the FAA Green Book -emphasis mine):


We ask for help from our Higher Power to abstain from those substances we find ourselves craving, ever mindful of our addiction to sugar, flour, and wheat. Feeding our bodies with a plan of sound nutrition will allow us freedom from the insanity of this disease. With honesty, an open mind, and willingness to share our experience, strength, and hope, we can recover from this disease, ONE DAY AT A TIME.

Please keep coming, keep sharing. We are here for you. You never have to be alone again!

Hugs,
step3

[Livre]

Hello Everyone! Just want to thank everyone who makes this forum existis. I realized long time ago that I am addicted to food, but never took action really to solve this serious condition I have.

I suffer so much that I wake up in the middle of the night to eat supid amounts off food!

One day at a time right? In 24hours I ll be back to tell you how my first 24hours were!

Good Luck for everyone and God Bless us all










Here are a couple of posts with some thoughts on early abstinence and recovery. They are adapted from answers given by various Outreach Members in FAA's Online Support to newcomers to FAA. If you have any questions about getting abstinent, staying abstinent, or working the FAA program of recovery, please either reply to this post or start a new thread with the question. Welcome to FAA!
"
Congratulations on three days of abstinence from sugar! You didn't mention flour or wheat, but in FAA we learned that as food addicts we have an addictive response to any form at all of any of these things. By following the suggested FAA food plan, s/f/w is removed from our diets completely. We also consult the list called 99 Names of Sugar to make sure we're not ingesting anything (sugar/flour/wheat) that acts as sugar in the food addict's body. An example of this would be, although it's only an herb for tea, licorice root. It is on the list because the body of a food addict simply can't handle it."

"The best way to stay focused is to start applying the recovery slogan One Day at a Time. Just for today, I can take care of myself. I can prepare my abstinent food and eat it according to the time schedule I learned about in the Guide to Abstinence. (The Guide to Abstinence is where the FAA food plan is and the information in the Guide supplements the food plan. It has lots of tips and also has the list of sugar/flour/wheat. To see it, follow this link):

http://www.foodaddictsanonymous.org/faa-food-plan

Just for today, I can do some recovery actions. (There is a whole list of Tools for Recovery on pps 287-290 of the FAA Green Book.) Just for today, I choose abstinence from s/f/w over the insanity of active food addiction. Just for today, I don't look for a way out, thinking I can always come back. There are no guarantees that I can come back after a relapse. Just for today, I completely surrender to the idea that I am powerless over s/f/w and that because of that, my life had become unmanageable. Just for today, I will not eat sugar, flour or wheat in any form. Just for today.

If you have not received your literature yet, there are some writings on the literature in two of the other forums here in Online Support that you can read for inspiration. The forums are FAA's 12 Steps and FAA Literature (links below). Also here is a link for the area in the FAA Store that has literature specifically for newcomers."

http://www.foodaddictsanonymous.org/forums/forumdisplay.php/65-FAA-s-12-STEPS

http://www.foodaddictsanonymous.org/forums/forumdisplay.php/61-Literature-Discussions

http://www.foodaddictsanonymous.org/catalog/4

Best wishes, and keep coming back!

[step3]

Hello Everyone! Just want to thank everyone who makes this forum existis. I realized long time ago that I am addicted to food, but never took action really to solve this serious condition I have.

I suffer so much that I wake up in the middle of the night to eat supid amounts off food!

One day at a time right? In 24hours I ll be back to tell you how my first 24hours were!

Good Luck for everyone and God Bless us all

Welcome, Livre!

Your post made me remember back to when I used to wake up in the middle of the night and binge. The times that I remember most clearly (although it happened all the time) was a period I went through when I would eat a whole bag (24 of them) Reese's Peanut Butter Cups every single night. And I couldn't stop what I was doing.

Surrendering to the fact that I have food addiction and that I cannot eat sugar, flour, or wheat like "normal" people can was what I needed to get abstinent. Not only did I have to admit that I was powerless over my food addiction and that my life had become unmanageable (as it says in Step One) but I also had to accept that fact. But I don't have to be abstinent "for the rest of my life" - in fact, the idea of not having s/f/w ever again was overwhelming when I first came to FAA. But I could follow the food plan, call my sponsor, go to a phone meeting, etc. one day at a time. THAT, I could manage! And if a whole day is ever too much, it's always a good idea to break it down even further. Whatever it takes, Livre.... just know that this journey is well worth while.

Best wishes to you. Please let us know how you're doing as you start out. Sharing will help you and it will help others too.

I'm glad you're here, Livre. :smile:

step3

[Carmen12]

Hi AllWas just searching the web and found this site. I was looking into what it means to be addicted to food, and reading this site I have seen that I have some of the sysptoms shown.I have IBS and a hiatus hernia, and often my stomach gets in great pain when I eat certain foods (mainly fatty and unhealthy foods), yet I still binge on these foods. Even when in pain.I try to eat healthily, and have been on about 5 diets this year. I feel that they do not work for me, but I think it is me that does not work for them. Before I start a new one, or when I fail on an old one, I often say that I will 'start again on Monday properly!' and then binge until the Monday comes.I go through phases where I gym insane amounts to work off bad foods that I have eaten, and I feel guilty and mad at myself when I eat something unhealthy, even if it is just a bite. If there are any sweets or cakes in the house I cannot stop thinking about them until either myself or someone else eats them, then I am fine. I think about food constantly, and reward myself with food/sweets and often eat them without even thinking, often not even thinking what I am doing to actually enjoy them. This often means that I have more in order to try enjoy them. I am by no means overweight, but I often feel fat when I eat badly or do not exercise enough.Sorry, didnt mean to bore you with my story;)This is just something I have been struggling with for quite some time and I feel like I have finally found people who understand:) feel like I am too young to have these problems (22 years old).Carmen

[alicemdavid]

Hello Carmen

Welcome to Food Addicts Anonymous, You are so lucky to have this program at a young age, It is my hopes that you grab on to it and keep coming back, It really works if you work it, all you have to do is follow good orderly direction its all written down in our literature you will also find the website very helpful along with the online support forums there is so so much wonderful information posted here!

I can so relate to your post about starting over Monday that was me for sure!! Also the reward part I still reward myself but not with food, I get a new color of nail polish or a new bracelet nothing expensive or lavish just a little pampering I am worth it! I also have to tell you this is the longest time in my entire life I am 50 that I was able to loose weight and keep it off, I have lost 150lbs still have some to go but its not about the weight loss any more but it sure did bring me here, Its about growing spiritually and connection with the fellowship & my higher power! Most of all being able to carry the message that there is a solution and all we have to do it stop using 3 things sugar flour and whera and the beauty of it all is we only have to do it just for one day!! I can manage this and believe me if I can do this you can do this too!! Keep coming back and Welcome home!!

[patrickwmarsh]

Yesterday my Girlfriend and I got in a big fight about eating out. She says I'm addicted to eating out and food in general. I agree with her. My entire life I've only worried about food, and nothing else. Occasionally, I'll have moments where I start to get the food under control but then I lose it after a short period of time. My weight has fluctuated badly, and I've never been my ideal weight. I can't seem to remove food from my addiction, because it's one of the only things that bring me joy it seems like, or joy that is simple and not hard to attain. I'm tired of being this way. I've spend countless dollars on food. I've literally bought and sold my fat on my body for the last 10 years, having this random diets that never seem to stick then falling back into the routine again. I always go back and forth, like control is just an illusion to me. I hate it. All I think about it food, and my life has suffered greatly. It's like there is no happiness without food.

[cindyskylar]

Hi Andy,

You are not alone. When I hit my bottom, I was also despairing, hopeless, and wanted to die. What I promise will help is to attend FAA meetings, get a sponsor and begin working this program (getting abstinent and working the steps). There are phone meetings you can attend, regardless of where you live. Here is a link to our meetings:

http://www.foodaddictsanonymous.org/phone-meetings

I hope this helps.

Cindy

[want2bwell]

I totally understand what you are saying!! I just joined and although i get that i need to do this and i do want to... i just have no idea how and fear losing my coping mechanism despite its negative impact on ny life... it feels too big... like im too far gone to make it back...although i lie to myself daily telling myself ill just quickly lose the weight and can stop doing this to myself..

im scared and feel like i am not strong enough..

whow! it amazes me how so many of these comments feel like i could have written them myself in particular yours Carly. I am petrified I want the headaches to go away the shakes. Today is my
last supper :) :( you would think I should feel excited releaved and yet I feel scared and defeated before I even start. I do believe there is healing in this program and i do beleive we are all worth it. I guess its a choice ever day... do I struggle with the internal shakes, the sugar headaches, fatigue, embaressement and guilt or do i choose to... fight the good fight.... the one that could very well free me from all those false fixes maybe this really could be the freedom we need and deserve. The thought of forever is so scary and to think one day at a time well is that good enough ÉÉÉ My brain is hard wired and its time to disconnect short circuit and refurbish.

Fake it until we make it ... (Qoute)

[want2bwell]

Yesterday my Girlfriend and I got in a big fight about eating out. She says I'm addicted to eating out and food in general. I agree with her. My entire life I've only worried about food, and nothing else. Occasionally, I'll have moments where I start to get the food under control but then I lose it after a short period of time. My weight has fluctuated badly, and I've never been my ideal weight. I can't seem to remove food from my addiction, because it's one of the only things that bring me joy it seems like, or joy that is simple and not hard to attain. I'm tired of being this way. I've spend countless dollars on food. I've literally bought and sold my fat on my body for the last 10 years, having this random diets that never seem to stick then falling back into the routine again. I always go back and forth, like control is just an illusion to me. I hate it. All I think about it food, and my life has suffered greatly. It's like there is no happiness without food.

this too shall pass...

[despohr]

wow! I have been absinant for 3 days now. I feel great! At first I was not interested in food planning thinking it would make me think about food to much....again...., but actually it is the opposite. Having a food plan frees me not to have to think about food. When it is time to eat I just look at my food plan (which I have aready shopped for) make and eat.Not having to worry about next meal because it is already planned. How freeing!

[ChickyD]

:/ this sucks i feel like such an idiot eating based off of my feelings and then getting guiltier for doing it so eating more. Makes me think of the never ending cookie monster cycle i see/smell cookies must have the cookies:upset:

[faa4me]

Yesterday my Girlfriend and I got in a big fight about eating out. She says I'm addicted to eating out and food in general. I agree with her. My entire life I've only worried about food, and nothing else. Occasionally, I'll have moments where I start to get the food under control but then I lose it after a short period of time. My weight has fluctuated badly, and I've never been my ideal weight. I can't seem to remove food from my addiction, because it's one of the only things that bring me joy it seems like, or joy that is simple and not hard to attain. I'm tired of being this way. I've spend countless dollars on food. I've literally bought and sold my fat on my body for the last 10 years, having this random diets that never seem to stick then falling back into the routine again. I always go back and forth, like control is just an illusion to me. I hate it. All I think about it food, and my life has suffered greatly. It's like there is no happiness without food.

Dear Patrick,

It sounds like you are in a very painful place right now. It is one any food addict who has found FAA and gone into recovery has been in. Looking at the devastation of the disease while also seeing no way out is like being between a rock and a hard place.

The good news is that there is hope for recovery from food addiction, Patrick. Many, many FAA members have found the solution to their disease here. What I would recommend is going to some FAA meetings as soon as you can. Listen to what people are sharing. You will hear ways that members suffered just as you are suffering now, and you will also hear how they were able to surrender, start following a food plan that eliminated all forms of sugar, flour, and wheat, and begin to get better by using the Tools of Recovery.

If you have face-to-face meetings in your area, that is something not to be missed and I would suggest going to one of them. What was suggested to me when I was new was to attend at least six meetings as quickly as possible (don't stretch them out to one a week or every two weeks) and see if FAA is for you.

The fact that you are starting to talk about it, Patrick, is a very good thing. We are used to keeping these things to ourselves and stuffing the pain with food. There's a better way, there really is! :joyous:

[faa4me]

whow! it amazes me how so many of these comments feel like i could have written them myself in particular yours Carly. I am petrified I want the headaches to go away the shakes. Today is my
last supper :) :( you would think I should feel excited releaved and yet I feel scared and defeated before I even start. I do believe there is healing in this program and i do beleive we are all worth it. I guess its a choice ever day... do I struggle with the internal shakes, the sugar headaches, fatigue, embaressement and guilt or do i choose to... fight the good fight.... the one that could very well free me from all those false fixes maybe this really could be the freedom we need and deserve. The thought of forever is so scary and to think one day at a time well is that good enough ÉÉÉ My brain is hard wired and its time to disconnect short circuit and refurbish.

Fake it until we make it ... (Qoute)

I couldn't see that there was a way to live without hot fudge sundaes, cakes, candy bars, and a million other things I loved that had sugar, flour, and/or wheat in them. I didn't actually think it could be done. I had tried dieting so many times (although not having learned yet about food addiction). I would feel good for a while, but then the time always came when I would "fall off".

In the early years of dieting, I would reach goal weight, stay there for a very short time, and then start eating my normal way again. As the years went by and I got bigger and bigger, it took more and more for me to get to the point of wanting to diet. Then I'd lose 25 pounds (always 25, don't know why) before falling off, long before I was anywhere near goal weight.

I was grateful to find that FAA had a suggested food plan that worked for many members and could work for me too. I learned that it could be modified if necessary for those with special circumstances (like medical conditions, vegetarians, athletes, etc.)

Once I got through withdrawal, I found that the physical cravings for food, which I had lived with my whole adult life, were gone!

"Fake it 'til you make it" is a great slogan, want2bwell. Another one I like is, "Act as if..." You don't have to be fully on board yet, that is to be expected as you are working your Step One. So acting as if you have surrendered, that you have accepted that you're a food addict, that you enjoy preparing and eating abstinent meals will bring it all about. Good for you! :smile:

[faa4me]

wow! I have been absinant for 3 days now. I feel great! At first I was not interested in food planning thinking it would make me think about food to much....again...., but actually it is the opposite. Having a food plan frees me not to have to think about food. When it is time to eat I just look at my food plan (which I have aready shopped for) make and eat.Not having to worry about next meal because it is already planned. How freeing!

Thank you for sharing that, despohr. It IS great not thinking about food 24/7. If I ever start worrying about my next meal, I just look at my food plan to remind myself of what I'm having, and it seems to reassure the food addict mind in me. Then I'm able to get back to what I was doing before the fear about food set in. Isn't FAA wonderful?!

[faa4me]

:/ this sucks i feel like such an idiot eating based off of my feelings and then getting guiltier for doing it so eating more. Makes me think of the never ending cookie monster cycle i see/smell cookies must have the cookies:upset:

My thing was "The Three C's", Chicky. Those were cookies, cake, and candy. I liked other things too, don't get me wrong, but the three C's had me by the throat REALLY bad. If you're here and thinking about your issues with food, you've come to the right place. What I would recommend is coming to some FAA meetings as soon as you can. There are several types you can try and information on them is here:

http://www.foodaddictsanonymous.org/meetings

Starting to talk about it is a huge step in the right direction. I'm glad you found FAA, Chicky.

[lovelyone]

I am new to this haven't even started day one, however it needs to be done. I need some advice to know where do I start? What do I do? I have listened to a meeting already and I can understand how they be helpful I guess I just am feeling lost at the moment. How do I go about getting a sponser? .... I guess I have a ton of questions and have no idea how to address them all.

[despohr]

:/ this sucks i feel like such an idiot eating based off of my feelings and then getting guiltier for doing it so eating more. Makes me think of the never ending cookie monster cycle i see/smell cookies must have the cookies:upset:

ok guys help!
My family ALWAYS make cookies for Christmas. It has been a tradrition since I was a little kid. I past it down with my children. What do I do? How do we keep traditions,but stay abstinent?

[intervention]

When I first came to this realization, I was relieved, but now I feel as though I am using this revelation as a crutch. I've eaten worse these past 7 days of discovering FAA. Of course, I know it's not FAA, but all ME. I tell myself, I'm going to do this, I got this, I got my food plan, and I fall flat on my face! I have so many reasons why I eat, before I do it, while I do it, and afterwards, none of which are justified, but I do it anyway and I feel gluttonous, disgusted, helpless, a failure! I keep hurting myself. I ate and ate and ate this evening...It's AFTER I eat that I am most remorseful and turning it over becomes an afterthought...Always after the fact. Why am I having such a difficult time turning it over to my higher power? I know what the next step is, but can't seem to apply it... I am powerless. Yes, I am powerless, but I need to earnestly believe that a power greater than me can restore me to sanity. How does one do this? I don't want to lose hope, but I need help in applying the steps.

[shines_so_bright]

... Why am I having such a difficult time turning it over to my higher power? I know what the next step is, but can't seem to apply it... I am powerless. Yes, I am powerless, but I need to earnestly believe that a power greater than me can restore me to sanity. How does one do this? I don't want to lose hope, but I need help in applying the steps.


What I learned in FAA was that I am a food addict and that my life had become unmanageable. I also came to know that probably no human power could have relieved my food addiction but that the God of my understanding COULD AND WOULD if that God were sought. "Could" and "would" were what I had trouble with, but that is what I worked through for myself in Step Two. After coming to believe these things, I was ready for Step Three.

It says on p. 48 of the FAA Green Book (the chapter on Sponsorship), "The primary purpose of sponsorship is to facilitate abstinence and guidance in working the Steps." Your sponsor will help you work the Steps. Information on finding a sponsor is here:

http://www.foodaddictsanonymous.org/forums/showthread.php/1004-Finding-an-FAA-Sponsor-and-an-FAA-Meeting

http://www.foodaddictsanonymous.org/sponsorship

[shines_so_bright]

I am new to this haven't even started day one, however it needs to be done. I need some advice to know where do I start? What do I do? I have listened to a meeting already and I can understand how they be helpful I guess I just am feeling lost at the moment. How do I go about getting a sponser? .... I guess I have a ton of questions and have no idea how to address them all.

Everyone who registers for Online Support has a Welcome Letter sent which has basic information on getting started in the program. Please check your email inbox for the letter, I think you will find it helpful.

That's great that you have already gone to your first meeting, lovelyone! It sounds like you are feeling very isolated with your disease right now. That's what the disease wants for us but we have a choice to not listen to the voice of the disease any longer. One day at a time, we can make our choice in each instance or event to listen to the Disease Voice or the Recovery Voice within. The Disease Voice is loud and speaks first, but the Recovery Voice is there and you can learn to hear it, lovelyone. Begin to ask it what you should do whenever you are in doubt.

My recommendation is to continue going to FAA meetings. At the end of the phone meetings, you can get phone numbers and/or email addresses of other FAA members. Begin reaching out one-on-one to others.

The other thing I would suggest is to begin following a plan of sound nutrition. This will allow the toxic substances to get out of your system and for your inner organs to begin to heal. FAA has a suggested food plan that has helped many of its members. You can see it here:

http://www.foodaddictsanonymous.org/faa-food-plan

The most important thing, lovelyone, is to keep coming. You won't "get it" all on your first day, and you may feel overwhelmed in the beginning. But it really can be put into simple terms for your day today: Don't eat sugar, flour, or wheat (can do this by following your food plan), Go to meetings, Ask for help (by making phone calls, coming to Online Support, checking in and listening to your Recovery Voice, etc.)

Good luck and best wishes for your recovery!

[sadgirl]

so. i'm new here. there are no face to face meetings in my area. i tried a different 12 step group about a year ago where i became painfully aware that i am a food addict. i went to several meetings but found it hard to connect with anyone. i NEED a sponsor. i have friends who have been through the 12 steps for substance addictions, one of them wants to be my sponsor for my food addiction but i dont think she gets it. she is thin because she had bariatric surgery. i really think the abstinence plan that is laid out on the website would make sense for me... (i am also wondering if anyone has explored the possibility of this metabolic level addiction thing being linked with candida overgrowths?)
ANYWAY. what i really want to know is how do i find a real live sponsor for me? especially if there are no face to face meetings in my area. i need some one on one accountability and i need it STAT.

[step3]

so. i'm new here. there are no face to face meetings in my area. i tried a different 12 step group about a year ago where i became painfully aware that i am a food addict. i went to several meetings but found it hard to connect with anyone. i NEED a sponsor. i have friends who have been through the 12 steps for substance addictions, one of them wants to be my sponsor for my food addiction but i dont think she gets it. she is thin because she had bariatric surgery. i really think the abstinence plan that is laid out on the website would make sense for me... (i am also wondering if anyone has explored the possibility of this metabolic level addiction thing being linked with candida overgrowths?)
ANYWAY. what i really want to know is how do i find a real live sponsor for me? especially if there are no face to face meetings in my area. i need some one on one accountability and i need it STAT.

Dear sadgirl,

Welcome to FAA. Since there are no face-to-face meetings in your area right now, you will probably need to find a sponsor that you can connect with by phone or e-mail. I found my sponsor, who lives in another state, by making Outreach Calls. She was someone I knew from phone calls and when I was ready for a new sponsor, this person agreed to help me.

I found my first sponsor by listening carefully at meetings. It seemed that this sponsor knew what it had been like for me when I was in active food addiction. Being new in the program, that meant a lot to me - being understood, having someone who knew the food plan inside and out, etc.

There's a post here in Online Support that may help you. It has information on different ways to look for a sponsor:

http://www.foodaddictsanonymous.org/forums/showthread.php/1004-Finding-an-FAA-Sponsor-and-an-FAA-Meeting

Best wishes for your recovery, sadgirl. You've come to the right place! :smile:

[sadgirl]

thanks step 3 i will try doing a phone meeting today! are there chat room meetings for faa?

[step3]

thanks step 3 i will try doing a phone meeting today! are there chat room meetings for faa?

Hi sadgirl,

I hope you liked the phone meeting and will go to some more. I honestly don't know what I'd do without them - I need meetings to help me stay abstinent, they are one of the Tools of Recovery very dear to my heart.

Yes, there are meetings in the FAA Chat Room. There's a Beginner's Meeting on Saturdays at 11am EST and a regular Online Meeting on Sundays at 1pm EST. Also, on Fridays at 9pm EST you can go to an informal Open Chat for Newcomers in the Chat Room. The link for the Chat Room is:

http://client11.addonchat.com/sc.php?id=270505

Enjoy!

[Jocelynn]

Hello Everyone,
I am unsure if I belong here. I have taken the quizzes and read about the program, but dont seem to quite fit. Growing up I was never overweight, but was anorexic and used to dream about being fat. See i loved and still love food, just back then i saw it as my enemy. Over the past 5-6 years I have went from 120lbs to 200lbs. I quit using marijuana three years ago and cigarettes two years ago, I have also stopped my overuse of alcohol. I believe my recently unhealthy relationship with food can be traced back to when I was using marijuana. I also have anxiety and when I would use I would panick and become paranoid. I learned I could eat my high away, and would eat untill my anxiety subsided sometimes for hours and even until I became sick. After quiting my drug abuse I am still plagued by this unhealthy relationship with food. I am in school and often under immense pressure to succeed. I find myself making excuses to eat to procrastinate doing my homework. I eat when im sad, lonely, when I dont want to do something. Ive tried loosing weight and even lost 30 lbs but have gained it all back. I used to love physical activity, I ran track in high school. Now im a couch commando and hate exercising. I hate being limited and told I cant have something, I find myself binging just to spite myself. I cant stand the way I look but still cant change my habits. Sometimes the only reason I get out of bed is to eat breakfast. Diabetes runs deep in my family and i know if I dont get help my health is going to suffer. My feet hurt everyday of my life but still I cant change, my boyfriend is not attracted to me anymore but still i cant change. I know I need help, im just not sure if this recovery fits me. See im not addicted to sweets or flour. My weakness is salty foods and in particular cheese. Its only after I binge on salty savory food that I want sweets. They are like an afterthought, and I have no problem not eating wheat or flour. Can this help me? I desperately need help....please respond if you can.

[melaniel]

Hello all. I've been in another 12 step program for substance abuse and have been clean and sober for about a year. I have finally realized that I have a food addiction as well and feel totally overwhelmed. I don't know how to even begin working on a food addiction. Any advice to get me started? I'm in Canada and there are no face to face meetings here. Thanks so much.:uncomfortableness:

[JoannEe]

See im not addicted to sweets or flour. My weakness is salty foods ... Its only after I binge on salty savory food that I want sweets. They are like an afterthought, ...please respond if you can.


Id like to know the same thing.

My weekness is fatty salty foods. I can turn down sweets all the time. 100% of the time I would definitly choose the salty savory food over the sweet desert. even icecream. it can sit in the freezer for weeks and be safe from me. but a box of chinese food with white rice or chicken nuggets with multiple dressings to dip it in would only last a day.

[WannaBee]

Hello everyone! My roller coaster ride includes sugar and salt, and not in any particular order. You can imagine when I discovered chocolate covered potato chips, I inhaled the entire bag in about 10 minutes. I recently joined FAA, and am still figuring out the menu plans, and online meetings. I go from feeling great, and empowered to self sabotaging it all, in less than an hour. It truly is easier to just think and act one day at a time, if not it becomes monumental. I felt I was on the right path since I quit smoking six years ago. Three years ago I found out I had Celiac disease, so now I had to give up my beloved bread, wheat etc... o.k. I thought I could do this, their are plenty of gluten free items out there. I soon realized I was eating so much crap just because it was gluten free. I mostly do clean eating now, I juice fresh organic veggies everyday, eat plenty of whole foods, drink herbal teas, and yet I still felt out of control. Why? Because sugar/wheat/and flour were affecting me in such a way that I could not understand that I was powerless over them. I cannot have one piece of candy, or a taste of cake. I need it all, and I want it now! Then comes the shame, then the famous, I'll start again on Monday.Completely eliminating these toxins has made a huge difference in just a couple of days. A fog has been lifted! Instead of focusing on what I can't eat, I look at what I can, and make it as interesting as possible. I am grateful that I am rid of these addictive and extremely toxic items. Oh, I still crave them, want them. I am working hard and really trying to be more centered, less food, and weight obsessed. I am grateful for this program and grateful that I know if I fall theirs someone to at least cushion the blow a bit. I need to go forward, because the alternative will only lead to the same insanity. Take a deep breath, pray, meditate, and never give up on yourself.

[Mariah83]

Hello all. I've been in another 12 step program for substance abuse and have been clean and sober for about a year. I have finally realized that I have a food addiction as well and feel totally overwhelmed. I don't know how to even begin working on a food addiction. Any advice to get me started? I'm in Canada and there are no face to face meetings here. Thanks so much.:uncomfortableness:

Hi Melaniel,

I sympathise with the overwhelming feeling, and I've heard that 12 step is even more challenging with a food addiction because unlike those substances we need food to survive, so it's really hard to draw that line when you have a bio chemical imbalance and most all foods contain something we are intolerant too. Sometimes we also give up one addiction only to find that we have transferred it over to another. I think using the 12 step effectively will help you, and you're lucky in the sense that you have been exposed to it before, but using it in a whole new light relating to food. At least you know you have it in you to overcome because you beat your substance problem. Believing in a higher power, whatever that may be to you, admitting the problem, which you have, and just focussing on one meal at a time, one day at a time, helps reduce that overwhelming feeling. I struggle being "good" everyday but I always know I have tomorrow to try again and believe in myself and my higher power more.... Talking to someone or having a sponsor helps too. I wold probably get some of the literature online as it relates specifically to this problem. I'm in Australia and this type of support, let alone meetings, is virtually non existent so this site alone provides relief for me knowing there's people all over the world who feel similar to me xx

[LMaster]

I'll share my story as well. Developed/manifested this back in late middle school when I had money and could start buying a bunch of junk food, and eventually got to the point where I was routinely eating "lunches" with like 3-4 slices of pizza, large fries, 3 packs of zebra cakes, and a soda. That was common. Gained a decent bit of weight, eventually getting to about 190. Stayed this way through HS.

Started eating a little better in college, and became pretty serious about getting in shape, taking up running. I controlled my eating a little better, but still binged frequently and/or just craved/ate lots of sweet/sugary/salty/fatty foods. Did manage to bring my weight down to the mid 150s. It's stayed around that range +- 10 for the last year or two...but the core problem remains.

It prevents me from truly eating healthy, as well as getting to the 135-140 ideal weight I need to be for running. Not to mention that while I may love the binges while I am doing them, I always feel like total garbage afterwords, and for at least most of the next day. Not so fun.

I've controlled it for periods of time with willpower, but never attacked the root cause; which is what it seems like this program is actually aimed at addressing, so I've always relapsed. Tired of that nonsense, and it's time for change. Let's do this!

[tara72374]

Hello, I am brand new here and am on day 2 of abstinence. I am a food addict and finally after 25 years of dieting can honestly admit I am powerless over food. I've tried every diet known to man. I've lost and gained hundreds of pounds between my highest 225 and my lowest 127. I am currently at a healthy weight, but am creeping back up quickly as my binging was getting out of control again. I am desperate. I cannot let my family down again and gain the weight back. I've worked so hard this past year to reach my goal weight, but have secretly been binging and purging to avoid gaining the weight. I am scared of dying and leaving my children without a mom. I understand bulimia is a major issue, but for me it is only a symptom of my food addiction. I only purge after a binge and never plan to purge, I just get so angry and disgusted with myself after a binge, I use the purging as a punishment. I followed the food plan yesterday and actually felt in control of my appetite. I am on day 2 and feeling good about this, but I know it's only a matter of time before the cravings return. I found this site while searching for information on Overeaters Anonymous and am planning to go to a meeting soon. I am introverted and a bit shy when it comes to talking to people face to face so I thought a forum or online meeting might be a good place to start. I would love to find someone I can talk to about this as my family and friends no nothing of my binging and purging.

[CleanErin]

I am new. In fact, I have not yet decided if this is the path for me. I am already trying to figure my way out of it if necessary, thinking I can just pop back into being abstinent. I know that is no way to begin.

I feel I have to say good bye to the food, by one last binge. I wish I could have a bite of everything I crave one last time...because forever is ...well forever. It saddens me terribly. I know I would feel better and look better and think better etc.... when abstinent, but I can't help but feel what I feel right now. Any suggestions???


Hey there. I too have felt that, just one more binge thought before. Doesn't that sound a little familiar, though? Like, I can quit, just after this one last drink/line/shot, etc...

If you do indeed go for that one last binge, or try to say goodbye to your foods, you may find it impossible. I know I would. There's no way you can cram everything you've ever loved or lusted after into one binge, no matter how much you can eat at a time. It seems that this mode of thinking would come to, well now I really crave this over here, so I will binge on that before starting... now I really want.. Chinese food, I'll have to binge on THAT before starting... and then it becomes the never ending cycle of binge eating insanity that we are all trying to escape.

For me, focusing on losing the activity of binging has really helped me. I DO feel insane when I lie to my loved ones or sneak out at night to eat gross fast food in dark allies in my car. I KNOW it's not normal behavior, I don't want it anymore. I don't want to hate myself for having no back bone, for "failing" again and again and again when the pull to food is just too much. I don't want to continue to hurt myself in this manner. I want to love myself.

I hope I've provided some insight.

[CleanErin]

I am new. In fact, I have not yet decided if this is the path for me. I am already trying to figure my way out of it if necessary, thinking I can just pop back into being abstinent. I know that is no way to begin.

I feel I have to say good bye to the food, by one last binge. I wish I could have a bite of everything I crave one last time...because forever is ...well forever. It saddens me terribly. I know I would feel better and look better and think better etc.... when abstinent, but I can't help but feel what I feel right now. Any suggestions???



Hello, I am brand new here and am on day 2 of abstinence. I am a food addict and finally after 25 years of dieting can honestly admit I am powerless over food. I've tried every diet known to man. I've lost and gained hundreds of pounds between my highest 225 and my lowest 127. I am currently at a healthy weight, but am creeping back up quickly as my binging was getting out of control again. I am desperate. I cannot let my family down again and gain the weight back. I've worked so hard this past year to reach my goal weight, but have secretly been binging and purging to avoid gaining the weight. I am scared of dying and leaving my children without a mom. I understand bulimia is a major issue, but for me it is only a symptom of my food addiction. I only purge after a binge and never plan to purge, I just get so angry and disgusted with myself after a binge, I use the purging as a punishment. I followed the food plan yesterday and actually felt in control of my appetite. I am on day 2 and feeling good about this, but I know it's only a matter of time before the cravings return. I found this site while searching for information on Overeaters Anonymous and am planning to go to a meeting soon. I am introverted and a bit shy when it comes to talking to people face to face so I thought a forum or online meeting might be a good place to start. I would love to find someone I can talk to about this as my family and friends no nothing of my binging and purging.

Your story speaks to me. I too have lost hundred of pounds in this yo-yo of dieting, losing weight, binging, and gaining it back. Here you are thinner, thinking yay, this is the new me! I am changed, I am different, I don't need to worry about any of that any more, surely I wouldn't gain the weight back after all that hard work and success... and then you start binging, you don't even want to sometimes but you're out of control, trying to hide it from your family and friends who are so happy for you and your weight loss. I also have been bulimic for stretches of time. It's pretty degrading of self. I purged one last time before I went ahead and decided that I was indeed a food addict and I needed to join this program to gain my life back and love myself.

This program will help you if you commit and are willing. Instead of thinking of it as a way to lose weight (which in my mind is a byproduct to the real problem of binging), think of it as a way to stop the insanity that we have faced by losing, gaining, purging, binging, crying, and hating oneself enough to punish yourself. Good luck!