Girlbot's thread, come on in! :-)

[~Girlbot]

Hey everybody, I'm Girlbot, I'm almost 42 years old and I very recently discovered I'm a food addict, (joined here last week, May 10th.) I'm actually coming here from a different place than most, being that I've been a low-carber for years, (with periods of binging on sugar and white carby stuff), so I'm not really having a hard time doing without sugar, flour, wheat etc. I AM, however, having a bit of tough time going without my artificial sweeteners, since I'm a terrible sugar addict and was using all sorts of artificially-sweetened products on a daily basis in order to satisfy my sweet tooth. Last weekend I threw away:

*Low carb tortillas (wheat and soy flour)
*wheat bran (wheat)
*sugar-free jelly (Splenda)
*sugar-free ketchup (Splenda)
*three kinds of sugar-free salad dressings (aspartame)
*sugar-free vanilla coffee creamer (Splenda)
*diet wild cherry Pepsi and diet root beer (aspartame?)
*two flavors of "Tea-cinno" drink stuff, (made from carob, dates and other high-sugar fruits.)
*a bunch of different flavors of coffee, (which made me want to constantly have a yummy treat-like coffee in my hand, which I also added a ton of fake sweetener to)
*BIG bag of stevia sweetener
*various kinds of Atkins bars
*dish of assorted sugar-free International Delights hard candies

And then a few days later, I somehow found the strength to toss the contents of my huge bag of stevia down the garbage disposal, (which was the last sweet thing in the house.)

I'm going to use this thread to journal about my feelings and experiences and as a place to just "think out loud," (sort of), and anyone and everyone is completely welcome to come in here and add your thoughts or give advice, opinions, etc. I'm very hearing-impaired and don't do well on the phone and stuff, which makes me a very active forumite, (meaning I'll be in here a LOT.) :D

Hope to meet and get to know some of you other FAA peeps- maybe we can tackle and work on this "food addiction" thang together.

[~Girlbot]

BREAKING MY SUGAR/ARTIFICIAL SWEETENER ADDICTION:
Well, so far, so good with the not having any AS at all! I'm really shocked at how well I'm doing, actually, and so is my husband, (I've tried giving them up in the past, and I was a horrible, grumpy, depressed MONSTER.) We think the difference is that I'm having some carbs in my diet now, whereas before I was eating really low carb when I tried to quit. Now that I understand my brain chemical situation better, I know that my brain was thinking of the AS as sugar and wanting me to eat, eat, eat it endlessly in order to level out my deficient serotonin. Now, however, I'm having a small amount of carbs each day, (brown rice, beans, apples & yogurt), and I seem to be much more level all the time, hooray! I'm still a bit of a carbophobe, since I have Hashimototo's thyroid disease and therefore a super-sluggish metabolism, which means that carbs can be stored as fat really easily. I'm keeping my fingers crossed, though, that as long as I keep them to the small amounts on the FAA food plan, I won't gain. Also, some people seem to think that people with hypothyroidism actually need to be eating a little good carb each day in order to keep their thyroid, (or in my case what's left of it), producing hormones. I feel so much better mentally and emotionally already- I hope I'm able to eat this way for the rest of my life!

[~Girlbot]

THINGS I HOPE TO ACHIEVE FROM THE FAA PROGRAM:
*No more binging!
*To be completely artificial sweetener free
*No more horrible, out-of-control sweet cravings
*To be free from food obsession
*Learning portion-control and how to eat small amounts of food and be satisfied
*To be able to have some good carbs in my diet and not gain weight from them
*To be able to go to parties, BBQs, etc and not cave and eat the bad stuff
*To have less or no PMS (PMS is a very bad time for me every month- I get very, very depressed and almost always binge for days on end.)
*To get some much-needed calcium into my diet (Hashi's problem again- I have a super-sluggish digestive system, and dairy products basically turn to cement in my intestines so I never eat them. I'm hoping that by being able to have some things like fruit and brown rice along with my daily cup of yogurt, the yogurt won't block me up any more like it would normally. These aging bones need the calcium, and I've never been able to find a way to get it without causing myself a lot of problems.)
*Youthfulness (I'm hoping by doing things like: cutting out the garbage and chemicals from my diet and eating healthy foods like fruit, yogurt, etc, and by cutting out diet soda and drinking more water, and hopefully by losing some weight, too, I'll shave a few years off the ol' face and bod.) ;)

Lastly, I know I have food issues to work on. I have a lot of stuff from my past that I need to think though, figure out and deal with for sure, if I ever truly want to be in recovery, and not just treating the food plan as a diet.

[~Girlbot]

OH YEAH, I forgot to mention that I stopped myself from acting on an old food behavior yesterday! I have a really bad habit of pouring, or more like dumping, olive oil on my salads. Really, at least 4-5 tablespoons per salad. I started doing that because I ate low-carb for years and olive oil is low-carb, therefore I had "legalized" using as much of it as I wanted, (don't add up the fat and calories- it's SCARY!) :shock: Anyway, so I did major yard work all day long yesterday, and was really hungry by lunchtime. I tried to reason to myself that I was working really hard and therefore "deserved to have it," but then I just stopped and yelled out loud at myself: "FAULTY THINKING!" Totally did the trick, and I just had my light, homemade vinaigrette dressing instead. This is a major breakthrough for me, so I just had to share. 8-)

[step3]

I just had a kind of lengthy, and VERY enthusiastic, reply written to your new thread... and I lost it! :?

Anyway, thanks so much for sharing your hopes, dreams, enthusiasm... all of what's going on for you, Girlbot. Being willing to share our experience, strength, and hope is one of the main things that keeps us abstinent, so you're off to a very good start! :P

I look forward to keeping abreast of the latest...

Warmly,
step3

[littlebyslow]

I liked what you said about the olive oil. I thought I could measure pretty well by eyesight, but in truth, when I didn't use a measuring cup or spoon, the amount of food I gave myself was always more than what I told myself I was doing, never less! Thanks for sharing.

[here42da]

Thanks for all of the sharing,
I had this wonderful image like cartoon character picture in my mind of someone shouting "FAULTY THINKING!" and another one that came to my mind that I have heard was "STINKING THINKING!" These are also slogans that help me in stopping behaviors in their tracks. Because I am a food addict, and in recovery, doesn't mean that sometimes the wrong ideas don't ever enter my head. I also remember my first sponsor would question me when giving her my food, and I would say a "squirt of Braggs's Aminos" she wanted me to define exactly what a squirt was. Obviously I have remembered that ever since, Lesson learned. I can really get carried away if I don't weigh and measure as the food plan specifies.

I also wanted to share that I didn't feel so alone when it was shared about someone else loosing a lengthy post before getting it sent. We are all human and I guess those things happen. While it can be rather frustrating, I am learning to live with little incidences like that. Those situations that come and go into and out of my life. Things that are beyond my control. Keep on sharing, and I am enjoying getting to know others in program as they participate in this online support part of our website.
here42da

[jas135]

girlbot you are SUCH an inspiration. so willing to be transparent. Please keep posting your progress.
I started my journey 11 days ago and am still in need of a sponsor. I have attended 2 phone meetings and been online a lot. I can so relate with substituting more quantities of the healthy stuff because it was "healthy" - portion size is king - weighing and measuring. At first I thought "really? for the REST of my life?" then I heard the words "Just for today" and when I went to a close friends wedding and had to hold a plate of cake for another guest after successfully not eating the sugary stuff for myself I thought God really does have a sense of humor and I told myself "you can have that tomorrow you don't need to eat that cake today". It's kind of cool because when tomorrow gets here it's not tomorrow anymore it's today and "just for today i won't eat it!"

I am really struggling with chocolate today. I love the bolder flavored decaf teas and there's one that uses cocoa beans. I keep telling myself I can have it because its not processed down to a powder or flour but I'm still not sure that isn't faulty thinking. I only like really dark 75% or higher chocolate and was already only allowing 1 oz a day but since May 11 have not had any and I really miss it. Just got a refill on the tea with the cocoa beans in it ( I ordered it before I went on the plan) and it came yesterday.....need to pray a little more over it....

My list for what I want to accomplish is very similar to yours:

*to be free from food obsession (interestingly I have been feeling alienated from God slightly in the last few days - still feeling obsessed with food even if it's what I need to eat. In one of the phone meetings someone shared how she was feeling the same way and wanted what the leader had - a strong focus on God not the food plan)
*to alleviate pms and pmdd symptoms and to be able to cope without medication for it
*to be able to not cave at social events

In the short amount of time I've been plugged in I have really come to see how this plan and beating this monster is so important to life beyond the health aspects.

God is good - all the time......

Blessings and thanks for sharing you never know how targeted and timely your share is going to be for someone who is lurking or been here a long time and needs fresh inspriation!

[~Girlbot]

"I just had a kind of lengthy, and VERY enthusiastic, reply written to your new thread... and I lost it!"
Argh, I hate when that happens! Oh well, no biggie- thanks for your reply anyway! I do feel like I'm off to a pretty good start here. Gonna keep it going!

"I thought I could measure pretty well by eyesight, but in truth, when I didn't use a measuring cup or spoon, the amount of food I gave myself was always more than what I told myself I was doing, never less!"
The amounts I gave myself were always WAY more than someone like me, (5'7 female) should have been eating. My portion sizes of, like, everything were more than even my 6'1 husband should eat! True story: One night we sat down to dinner, and my husband said, "You know, I've noticed that you always eat just as much food as I do, do you think that's a good idea?" He was trying to put it in the nicest, sweetest possible way that I unthinkingly ate as much as a tall man without even realizing it. He also told me that I always serve him up way too much food and that he never finishes his but noticed that I always finish mine, and that's along with picking at stuff beforehand AND I'd pick at his plate while cleaning up. I had no idea! Boy, I sure have a lot of work to do on getting used to what seems to me to be "tiny" portions, although I know they'll come to seem normal-sized after awhile. Gotta retrain the ol' brain, right? ;)

"I also remember my first sponsor would question me when giving her my food, and I would say a "squirt of Braggs's Aminos" she wanted me to define exactly what a squirt was."

EXAAAAACTLY!

"girlbot you are SUCH an inspiration. so willing to be transparent."
Oh, you ain't seen nothin' yet! The fact that I get to be anonymous here is really going to help me to be able to talk about a lot of issues and stuff from my past, so stay tuned if you really want to see me spill my guts, (ha ha!) :lol:

Today I have an obligatory "food event," my first since joining here. I think I need to write about it in the other thread I made about summer food event support. I started the thread, so I'd better write in it!

[~Girlbot]

P.S. And maybe other people will eventually want to start their own threads for me to visit, huh? ;)