Meaning of Quiet Time?

[freeme]

I had an unpleasant experience with a potentially new sponsor and need a reality check. The sponsor described the quiet time as what I understand to be an Eastern meditation practice. There is nothing wrong with that. However, that is not my spiritual practice. I was told that I must do the meditation in this manner and then I could practice my "religion." My recovery is based upon the first three steps - total submission to my God and building my personal relationship with Him. Not quieting my mind and focusing upon my breath. This is not about "religion," it's personal relationship and the only way to recovery for me. What say you?

I am open to constructive feedback, so please be honest. Thank you!

[littlebyslow]

It sounds like your potential sponsor was talking to you about Step 11, "Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood God, praying only for knowledge of God's will, and the power to carry that out". If your recovery is based on the first three steps, then you may not be at a point where Step 11 is something to focus on. Even when you're actively working with Step 11, there are many, many forms of meditation. I've heard people who feel their method or technique is THE ONE, and no other will do, but this isn't really so.

Since this person is not yet your sponsor and you already feel uncomfortable with his or her directive style, you might feel more comfortable with someone else. Some members like sponsors like the one you're describing, while others prefer a more laid-back person's style. It's true that we want a sponsor we can relate to, and who's abstinent and knows the food plan well, but we also need to be able to work with our sponsor. If I were in your shoes, I'd keep looking for a sponsor. Best of luck!

[oragold]

Hello freeme,
The job of a sponsor is to share experience, strength and hope. It sounds like she is sharing what works for her. The best thing to do is to check inside if it feels right to you. If you are struggling and she is responding to that, my experience tells me it is good to be open to trying on something new to see if it helps. But it doesn't mean that you are obligated to do it if it isn't working for you -- it is all a personal choice. It is part of learning to negotiate the relationship. Talk to her about it if it makes you uncomfortable and see if you are comfortable with her response.

oragold, support committee welcome member

[JustForToday]

I guess that my sponsors in FAA have mostly waited for me to ask for suggestions and when I call my current sponsor weekly; she usually asks me what do I want to work on this week for my recovery. And I'm grateful for this gentle approach. I've been in other food fellowships where it was very plainly spelled out what exactly I had to do and while that approach has it's pros and cons and I did gain a very close relationship with my Higher Power, I didn't feel like I had a very close relationship with my sponsors or others in the fellowship in general and I felt like I was just going through the motions. I feel like I have an important say in my recovery now and I treasure it.

[kismet]

I see this is an old thread but I would like to share my two cents. "Quiet time" is a term that is used in FA, a different program from FAA. They talk about thirty minutes of "quiet time" every morning and this is a non-negotiable tool of that program. In FAA I have found there is a much more gentle approach...prayer and meditation is part of 12 Step...but all kinds of people from all kinds of backgrounds have made these Steps work for them.

I feel that prayer and meditation are a personal, intimate journey. I would not want my sponsor managing or monitoring my spiritual life except to check in with me about it--a previous sponsor shared with me that dropping meditation was a 100% relapse warning sign for her. A lot of recovering food addicts are control freaks. When the food is put down, they are still codependent. I am not saying your sponsor is any of these things, just some stuff that I have learned in 12 Step.

[nan]

I had an unpleasant experience with a potentially new sponsor and need a reality check. The sponsor described the quiet time as what I understand to be an Eastern meditation practice. There is nothing wrong with that. However, that is not my spiritual practice. I was told that I must do the meditation in this manner and then I could practice my "religion." My recovery is based upon the first three steps - total submission to my God and building my personal relationship with Him. Not quieting my mind and focusing upon my breath. This is not about "religion," it's personal relationship and the only way to recovery for me. What say you?

I am open to constructive feedback, so please be honest. Thank you!

I believe that quiet time looks like many things and is different from one person to the next. I personally find the eastern practices of breath, yoga and mantra useful to me, however, my husbands idea of quiet time is riding his bicycle or just sitting and looking at a wall. Perhaps write down what quiet time looks like for you, share these things with your sponsor and then, practice, practice, practice. I have found true for me is that I need to be open to try something new as well.