New to everything and hoping for some relief!

[cblue300]

I just joined FAA because I know I am a food addict. I had the LapBand gastric weight loss surgery Dec of 2009 and lost 115 lbs. For a little over a year, I did AWESOME! I was a strict rule follower. I didn't have anything I wasn't supposed, which really surprised me because I always was the person who would fall at the sight of food. However, a little over a year into everything (probably about 6 months ago), I really started to relapse into the person I used to be, which is a binge eater. Granted, I am not able to eat as much of the junk food, but I shouldn't be eating it at all. I have tried so hard to get that person who was a rule follower back, but it is soooo hard! I have come to the group to get some relief. Relief from the stress of food, the cravings of food, and the overall addiction. I have become such an emotional person and so disappointed in myself that I feel like it is bringing me down a dark path of going back to what I used to be.

After losing 90 lbs, I got into a relationship with someone I had known for 5 years. He has become my soulmate. However, he doesn't understand the struggles that I go through because he has never had a food addiction problem. We have been together for almost a year, and this has been or only argument thoughout the relationship. I try to explain to him what it is like, but when he tries to help me, I become very defensive. I feel so bad because he feels lost with no way out. He doesn't know what to do or what to say to me when it comes to food, and I hate that. It is too the point that I hide food from him, and this has to stop.

I am just so lost! I have read all of the forums on this page today. I am making a food plan for the rest of this week tonight. I am also going to forwarn my boyfriend of any symptoms of detox that I may experience so he can be understanding....lol. I just really hope I can do this.

Thanks to everyone who has posted forums prior to me. You have all been very inspiring, and I look forward to seeing your progress and me to progress as well. :)

[nevertoolate]

Good for you, cblue, for reaching out, it's so hard to be alone with this food thing bec people who don't share the addiction don't get it and it's not their fault. Sounds like you went through a lot with the lap band sugery, it must have been very hard to adjust to eating such small amounts of food, what kinds of foods were you able to eat after the surgery? I get it about hiding food, have done that also. You aren't lost, cblue, you're on the right road, take it easy on yourself, it takes a while to make changes, takes planning, takes adjustment, takes talking about it maybe with people who understand and are going through the same thing, there are a lot of people in FAA who have had the same surgery. People binge for a reason, maybe FAA can help you figure that out, maybe it's just the certain foods they talk about, sugar,flour and wheat, makes sense to me adn I've only been in the program 20 days but feel so much better and hopeful. Keep coming back, FAA is here for you.

[here42da]

Cblue, Thanks so much for sharing your story here and thank you nevertoolate for the encourageing word shared in response. I too can identify with some of your sharing. My husband didn't understand. (especially the biochemical aspect.) His terminology would be "hogwash" or "baloney" Well it doesn't matter if he doesn't understand. He sure has noticed the improvements that following the food plan as it is written have made in my life and health. So don't give up. This is a we program and you will find lots of support here in these rooms. It may not be easy, but it is doable. Please keep sharing. I also know that there are others who are dealing with similar circumstances, and you will probably find them here in this fellowship.

[cblue300]

Thanks so much to the both of you. It is nice to know there are people out there like me and that I am not the only one dealing with this. After losing the weight, I had a lot of time to self-evaluate. A lot of that self-evaluating came after I started going back to my old ways of binging again. I came to realize that I have done the binging and hiding foods since I was a kid because I would get in trouble for eating foods that were bad for me cause I was getting chunky as a kid. However, the food was always in the house...so it was like I was being tortured. The carrot hanging on a string but I couldn't have it. You would think that this would all become easier after losing the weight, but it almost becomes harder when you hit a certain point. I have been thinking about going to a counselor for help, but I just can't afford it. I have never heard anything about this before, but I started googling stuff today and came across this. I am very hopeful by everything I have read.

[arleneh8745]

Welcome Cblue300. You are not alone and there is so much support for food addiction in FAA. The literature is written by food addicts for food addicts.. There are marathons monthly, meetings all day.. Next one is Sept 4. Check out website with announcments.. All meetings are eastern standard time.. It does get better when I put the addictive substances down. SWF. Keep sharing, keep coming back.. Hugs to you.

[nevertoolate]

CBLUE, so many of us started these habits of binging and hiding food in childhood to deal with feelings...maybe there was no one to turn to at the time....now there is ....FAA is here for you...did you have some type of counseling before the lap band surgery? maybe you could talk to the same person again also....sometimes they have programs based on income....keep talking online, FAA has so much to offer, some of us go cold turkey on sugar, some go off it slowly, whatever works best for you...do as much reading of this website as you can, see what others have done....we are all walking this same road toward recovery...one day at a time.....if you slowly get that stuff out of your system, sugar/flour and wheat, you will rapidly start to feel better... : ) try getting into the FAA loop, the FAA online meetings on weekends, the chat room meetings, they really help. find the instructions under online support. best wishes to you cblue.