I accept myself and all my imperfections-SUNDAY'S POSTING

[Beverly]

Hi Fellow Loopers,

My name is Beverly. I am a recovering food addict from Santa Ynez, California and your loop leader for this week. This is my first attempt at this sort of service for FAA so please be patient with me. As I type this I think, "I hope I don't mess this up" and then I am reminded of something I recently read in The Abstinent Times (a publication that FAA does). I read, "For today, I stay in the solution. I accept myself with all my imperfections and continue to recover. " The quote comes from Food for the Soul.

I can honestly say that I'm not where I want to be yet, but I'm a heck of a lot better than where I was. Okay so first thing that comes to mind around that is... yes WEIGHT. They say we come for the vanity and stay for the sanity. THAT is my truth. I am still working on both. I came to FAA in May 2010 and have been abstinent since February 2, 2011. So just for today, I look at the 45lb weight loss in the mirror and remind myself at how wonderful this program works. I do still HAVE the part of me that says I NEED TO BE AT AT MY IDEAL AND PERFECT WEIGHT, NOW! Which when I was in my dis-ease I could say, "well i'm not EVEN CLOSE TO BEING PERFECT LIKE I FEEL LIKE I SHOULD BE SO... f&*% it." Today I can be patient, loving with myself. Trust that my body continues to evolve and change. I need to do things like work the food plan, go to meetings, pray, work on the INSIDE of me, feel my feelings instead of trying to make them go away, be of service, etc. When I am doing those things I can keep spiritually and emotionally fit and my body continues to evolve and change in a positive way.

Today I do not have to be perfect, nor do I have to expect OTHERS to be perfect. Perfect IS NOT HUMAN and it is a set up for failure. Today I allow myself and others to be human.

There is a huge balance between doing the meal plan AS IT IS WRITTEN and expecting myself to be perfect. Would love to hear how you guys balance those concepts.

Warmly,
Beverly, Food Addict
Santa Ynez, CA

[Bokobob]

Thanks for topic...I am not perfect by any means...I am pledging to post to the loop daily
while I concentrate on getting abstinent again...my abstinence has been inconsistent.
I figure if I commit to posting daily it will help me.
Regards,
Bob

[nevertoolate]

Am working on the food plan, eating abst. food but not at the right times or amounts yet, but for now, I'm staying away from s/f/w/....that's my step 1 bec I'm powerless ....
marilyn in ohio

[tropical3]

Hi all, I have perfect imperfection with my program. A lot of times, I do measure and weigh food. I stay away from the scale since it use to be the mood control of my day. I go by how my tight clothes fit better. Other times, we I will do the guess fooling myself about the portions. I don't know if I am getting enough or more. Feel more confident and satisfied when I plan, weigh and measure food. Is this perfection I think not. Just doing the best I can each day and each day gets a little more easier to be in recovery. Weight and size are secondary. Feeling better about myself is primary. God Bless Us All. Mary

[nevertoolate]

I was staying away from s/f/w/ until today...tomorrow is another day
marilyn

[tropical3]

Hi...Marilyn picked up candy this afternoon. Stopped. Back on track. I feel like crap..damn sugar. Hug, Mary

[nevertoolate]

Hey tropical, stopped in to chat room at 8 p.m. last night to see if you might be around....
Damn sugar is right, getting ready to go out and do a bunch of laundry, across from the donut shop.....this 3 good days, 3 crappy day thing is really not good, I know that....sugar is a real temptation, why????? what is it with sugar do you think, tropical?
marilyn

[here42da]

My personal opinion, but based on our literature, makes me think that it is the cravings that are set up once we indulge in the offensive substances, that react in a different way on our brain. So anything that I can do in order to not take that first bite, will be in my best interest. One area of my recovery that is not at it's best is the prayer and meditation. The reading this morning talked about it (it is the November 1, readin in our Food for the Soul. It mentions the eleventh step. It was funny after I read it with my sponsor this morning, I made a coupe of notes in the top of my note pad paper to be a reminder. Only I wrote Prayer and "medication" instead. What a great reminder that yes these things can and are like taking a medication to get well. Except for the fact that this medication of using the prayer and meditation does not have the adverse side effects. I love it when my HP (God) touches my inner self with a God thought as was the case this morning.
Well wishes to all.
here42da

[nevertoolate]

Your messages and advice are wise and so helpful, here42da, how long did it take you to get abst. in the first place, or is that too personal? I'm back in sugar, disappointed in myself as always but now unwilling...I can't seem to get enough sugar, we all know how that is or enough food, there is never enough food to fill the void, whatever the void is, lonliness I think, so many years alone and certainly no hope of good friends in the future....but sugar gives us stinkin thinkin also, I'm aware of that so I don't take what I say right now very seriously....just continously disappointed in myself....gave up so many things in my life, everything else really, and this is the one thing left....
marilyn