The madness of my house

[reelmandy]

Hi there everyone!

I have been lurking on the boards and on the website for some time now. Im a recently 30 year old woman living in so. cal. Ive been overweight my whole life, lost weight here and there but recently have been realizing that no matter what plan Im on, I eventually start to very slowly binge on s/f/w and get side tracked even with the best intentions. Because of this, Ive been slowly seeing how I feel with less sugar and more natural foods in my diet each day. However, Im having a HUGE struggle at home:

I get home from work and my mom has a sad looking lemon yellow pilsbury cake mix that of course makena (my very overweight and struggling 7 year old niece) is like jumping all around about. I, very sensitively, asked her, "Id rather not have an entire cake around the house, can we just have dessert this one night? (since for the last weeks theres ALWAYS cookies, pies, chocolate, or some shit just LYING around)" and it turns into my dad yelling about "ohh are you serious amanda? Cake is a tradition!!! you're being over the top and ridiculous" all this comes after last week I was balling my eyes out to my mom about how unhappy I am, how Ive gained way too much weight, how its my BIGGEST AND ONLY problem that I want to solve standing in the way of my happiness and ALL goals in life.
And now she's all sad cause she can't make the cake and makena was visually angry and being like "well... well can't you make cupcakes or just make SOME of it??" weird. And people say food isn't a drug? it was like being around drug addicts, it was so strange. And the funny thing is I said "well, we are having pizza and beer tonight (for my birthday), so I think thats quite a treat" and my dad said (classic excuse) "well, see you're already blowing it". Whatever IT is. I think Ive just finally realized that I CANNOT and just WONT lose weight here or be healthy. Thats pretty much all there is to it. Seeing that my family not only has bad food in the house but REFUSES to let me be healthy the way that I want to, refuses to admit their own addictions (my dad is severely overweight and has tried every diet on the planet with zero success), and refuses to see that its a HUGE MASSIVE problem, not something Im just "thinking" about or "obsessing" over one week.

THANK GOD I am moving to Seattle in about 3 weeks away from my family in and with a old dear friend that has helped me get healthy in the past. She isn't quite as addicted to food as I am, and has an OK time with her health/weight by counting calories and eating in moderation while keeping a great gym schedule. Im not sure she understands just yet that its harder for me to be "in moderation"like she is able to.

[wantingintegrity]

sadly, there are gong to be difficult people everywhere...

I just read a great passage in the green book this am, lemme share it...

page 283

....we frequestntly find ourselves in a situation where we are being offered food that is neither on our food plan...tell them you have allergies....tell them specifically that you cannot tolerate sugar or wheat....practice looking them directly in the eye WITH CONVICTION, "No thanks, I dont want any" and really mean it!

If we dont sound like we mean it, we are setting ourselves up for a debate...the words we say need to coincide with what our eyes are teling them...

Lets practice (cause I need to practice as well!)

"NO THANK YOU."

"THATS NOT MY FOOD."

"IT WOULD FEEL MORE LOVING TO ME IF YOU STOPPED OFFERING FOOD, PLEASE"

The serentiy prayer teaches us to accept things we cant cange (others) but can change the things we can (ourselves)

lets help each other, we can DO THIS!!

[JustForToday]

I can relate to your problem of there being the sugar, flour and wheat everywhere you turn at home. It's the same for me and I finally realized that they honestly don't understand my food addiction because they can eat just one cookie. And they kept giving me all the usual advice - just take a small piece and leave the rest and that has never happened for me...Even if I was only served a small piece, the cravings would kick in and I would become obsessed with it and would want more. When I started this journey a few 24 hours ago, I decided to put down the sugar, flour and wheat and ask my HP daily for help with them and some other high carb foods that are not in my best interest and to be willing to use the measuring cups and scales as they should be instead of piling it high or stuffing it with a steam roller. I also set a boundary with my family that I did not want to discuss my food plan with them (and they know what food plan and this website if they want to check it out for themselves) and I did not want any discussion about my daily food choices either. I also decided that it was only fair to do the same for them as we are all adults in this household and they are capable of making their own choices. I keep my food separate from their food, so I don't need to look at it any more than what is necessary. I put bags and boxes of stuff that begins looking "too good" away some where they can get to it and it's out of my sight or cover it with a paper towel - out of sight and out of my mind....I need to watch my thoughts and distract myself if I find myself drawn to those foods that are not in my best interest. I can always go outside and look at the spring bulbs popping up or check to see if anything has come lose on the house, take a walk, get on a meeting, make a phone call, read some literature if it's the middle of the night...I used to be a "night eater" and grateful to not be doing that anymore...

[cindyskylar]

Hi Reelmandy and thank you for sharing.

I think many of us can relate to what are describing. Many of us live with our families and so cannot control what foods and what amounts of non abstinent food are in our homes. I know I can't(I live with my husband and a roommate). I cannot tell them what they can and cannot eat.

What I can do is buy my abstinent food and be clear that other people's food is not my food. Easier said then done, I know. This is where phone calls come in. Calling another food addict in FAA when you are in the situations you described can make the difference between being abstinent and bingeing. When you are confronted with food you want to eat, you can make a phone call rather than take that first bite. You can get numbers of other FAA members during the last minutes of every FAA phone meeting.

I hope this helps.

Cindy