Do You Tell Your Spouse?

[mainecyn]

My husband and I have been together for 4 years. He and I started dating when i was at my highest weight, around 240 lbs. He never asked about my weight then, or now. I had lost almost 100 lbs after we married. My food demons were under control following a lc eating lifestyle. I have begun to relapse and lbs have crept back on. I have hidden my eating from my husband. He has no clue I binge eat and always always comments about how strong i am, having lost all this weight etc. I have never told him, and am too embarrassed to tell him. He is THIN, thin enough that missing a couple meal is dropping lbs for him. He has never had a food issue or weight problem and i feel he just wont understand whatsoever. I know he loves me, knows he supports me, but he just doesn't seem to get it. I shared with him a couple years ago that I was going to go on a low carb diet-but didn't explain that it was to get the addiction to carbs under control. He doesn't understand the way of eating. Often he will say well if you just eat a little bit of everything, moderation is the key and be active. He has no idea what its really like. I tried explaining the addiction before, hinted around that i just couldn't control eating or emotions. He said the same thing. I think you'd be good with just stopping when you are almost full and eating smaller portions. Is there anyone else that has started FAA and NOT told their family? I mean i hide the eating from him, when he is in the tub, not home, or any other times, thats when i binge. I'd die if he ever caught me.

[wantingintegrity]

Do you want his support, do you think it will help if you tell him? ((((hugs)))

[mainecyn]

I want his support, truly I do. He was nothing but supportive when I got my eating under control last time, losing weight and eating healthy. However, I so just do not think he will ever understand. I also know everyone says he surly couldn't understand if you don't tell him, but part of me just can't. The times I talked with him about eating low carb which is no flour, no sugar, or additives, he always just says no food is off limits just eat it in moderation Cynthia. He is support and encouraging, doesn't make fun of me or say mean things about my weight when it goes up. He also tells me often that he is proud of me. I guess this food addiction, this binging, is just still too private, to embarrassing, I can't tell anyone in my life. Its almost that while i am afraid he wont understand, part of me just doesn't think he will even believe that i have this problem, the binging. Especially, since he's never seen me do it. He goes on and on about how healthy i am, my eating, if he just knew. He still believes I am "on the wagon" and not eating carbs. I am afraid I've not only let myself down, but that he would feel that way too.

[mainecyn]

As if I have to add I don't feel good enough for him, special enough, thin enough, pretty enough. I think thats all of us, right? I take these things out on me with food. I punish myself, not anyone else.

[wantingintegrity]

he sounds wonderful, be as gentle with yourself as he's being (((((hugs)))))

[normaweavr]

Ultimately its your personal choice to tell him or not or what way to tell him. There is a way of telling that would save you any awkward talk or moment and would make your partner understand better too. While You both are having some entertaining conversation let him know about things but not to seriously so that he would know yet won't pay that attention to mind or say.

[JoannEe]

I have hinted around for years that I thought I was addicted to food and that I felt like an addict. My husband is similar to the original poster, in that he is thin and never has any issues with food. he can take it or leave it most of the time and says it's just fuel. (oh how I wish I could be like that) people without the addiction will NEVER truly understand. but they can be shown that we aren't strange and that our food problem is beyond our control.

I shared the FAA info with my husband and read him lots of the material so he could see that I was not imagining this. That it was even a scientific fact that brains of food addicts have similar responses to food as drug addicts brains have to drugs. Although he really can't relate to what I am going through, he can understand that it is REAL. He is on my side and supportive of what I would like to do here at FAA . ( I still wouldn't go around binging in front of him... but I did share about my addiction with him)

Now my problem is everyone else in my life... He is the only one who knows of FAA...

[David C.]

I have hinted around for years that I thought I was addicted to food and that I felt like an addict. My husband is similar to the original poster, in that he is thin and never has any issues with food. he can take it or leave it most of the time and says it's just fuel. (oh how I wish I could be like that) people without the addiction will NEVER truly understand. but they can be shown that we aren't strange and that our food problem is beyond our control.

I shared the FAA info with my husband and read him lots of the material so he could see that I was not imagining this. That it was even a scientific fact that brains of food addicts have similar responses to food as drug addicts brains have to drugs. Although he really can't relate to what I am going through, he can understand that it is REAL. He is on my side and supportive of what I would like to do here at FAA . ( I still wouldn't go around binging in front of him... but I did share about my addiction with him)

Now my problem is everyone else in my life... He is the only one who knows of FAA...

I've told others including, family, friends and clients... It feels good to admit it, to make them aware of my powerlessness but express the confidence to tell them. I find it helps with recovery, and eliminates future issues given they are aware of our problem. Most try to offer support or say, "way to go" or "keep it up", but some laugh and joke, so I laugh right back. My friends aren't all surprised by the revelation having been around you enough.

A buddy I play poker with said, "a ha, this makes sense, I've seen David loitering at the snack table during card games eating, eating and eating till stuff was gone" so it wasn't a surprise and I was just fooling myself to think that no one noticed.

David from Ontario but in British Columbia

[JoannEe]

I guess what makes me frightened to tell others is their lack of understanding. Most people will probably joke about it. My older boy will surely not understand nor even try to... and my dad would tell me that eating in moderation is the key and the food plan was unhealthy. My inlaws... well they would probably gossip about me cause that's what they all do on that side. The only place I feel there is understanding and an open mind is here in this FAA fellowship and so far with my husband.

Maybe after I get some abstinence under my belt and start to feel more confident about what I'm doing, I'll be lead to share my addiction with others.

Thanks for sharing David. (Like that part about your lingering at the snack table. So true, I find myself having to rip myself away from them many a time)