Today is day one. I am starting out on this journey all over again. I am hoping being active on this site will help me. I often feel so alone physically and emotionally. I get that this is an addiction. I understand I have to learn how to control it. This is the 2nd relapse I have had. I have lost over 80lbs twice. My binges will last for months, generally it is the weekend. I will eat non-stop morning thru nightime to the point of being hurt, painfully full. I don't binge and purge, just binge eat.
I am hopeful, but skeptical, that this is gonna be any different for me. This FAA, this admitting finally that I am a food addict. That it isn't just about dieting. I am addicted to certain foods, all of them listed here, CARBS. I can not eat them without binging, it triggers it. It isn't about learning to slowly introduce them back into my life, as I have tried. Its about keeping them outa my life completely and knowing that its ok to do that.
I want this to be different. Working during the day makes it easier. Week nights aren't as hard as weekends.
I feel very very fragile. I used to have rules. I would let myself eat just small amounts on a certain day "cheat day". Then I would add more of that food. Then more often. Next thing I knew i was eating every day all day, binging. To where there was no control, felt powerless, confused, worthless.
I am going to make the meal plan my bible. I have issues with fruit. I can binge on anything. This weekend it was a 3 lb bag of cuties oranges and bananas I will add more veggies than i have been eating. I do ok on non-starchy veggies and lean protein.
I can do this, right? I hope.
I just don't know what to do besides don't eat flour, sugar, or starchy foods. My last binge was around 10 last night. If i say it enough i might believe it..you can do this.