Looking for a sponsor :)
I hope I am doing this right :) I have been looking at FAA for a few(more than I probably should admit) but I am ready to make a long term change in my life. I feel like I am just there and I haven't been before this. I did a lot of research about FAA and I think it is where I need to be. I don't think I can do this alone, or maybe I should say I don't want to continue to do it alone. I live in Colorado and looked into meetings. There is 6 in the Denver metro area and one very close to me that I hoping to get to on Wednesday. I would like to be able to go 2-3x a week for meetings, but the issue I am coming in to is the times of the meetings and the other locations. I don't want to continue putting it off, but I am trying to be realistic with the times/locations they are at. I want to be fully committed. Which is how I ended up finding this message board hoping someone can help me out. I saved the the meal plan, but I know there is more to the program then that.
I am married mom who is almost 30. I have had issues with food pretty much as long as I can remember. I think the first time I really noticed it was around 8-9 years old. In middle school bulimia/EDNOS took over over my life and has been a pretty constant struggle over the years. My whole life I have been on a diet and have realized I don't know how to eat *normal* even when I really try. It is either fasting, in-between fasting, 1 meal a day, or binge. Even when I am trying hard to eat normal it is like I am not able to wrap my brain around it to do so. 6 years ago I stopped laxatives(only have had 2 slip ups & a very close probably most dangerous one one recently when I considered taking magnesium citrate) after being very addicted for years. It took almost dying on the bathroom floor to wake me up. That and diet pills have been a long term crutch. I stopped diet pills around that same time but have done them a few times since but for the most part stopped completely. It has been a few years since the last time I used them.
I had a life changing event happen to me several years ago that woke me up and made me realize how much I have scarficed with all of this. I thought all I had to do was stop the fasting/diets, diet pills, and laxatives. It went in reverse and I gained a lot of weight in the process. I went on pretty much a binge for years. I decided to make a positive change last year and to get healthy the right way. I started exercising and running a lot. I also started to attempt to eat normal and I thought I was doing better. I probably have been doing the better than I have ever in my life to be honest. I few months it started to get harder and I am finding myself almost internally battling myself. Not that I want to go back to purging, binging, or laxatives but more so that I am getting very excessive with exercise. It is pretty much a constant thought in my head :(
Welcome to FAA
I hope the local F2F meeting is helpful for you, many food addicts need to be with other recovering food addicts at these in-person meetings.
I've heard others talk about exchanging one addiction for another like you describe at the phone meetings and I hope that you will try a few of them as well. They share their contact information the last 5 minutes of the meetings. My sponsors have been so helpful on this journey - they have been like mentors who are bit further along the path and warn me if I'm getting too close to those slippery slopes or make helpful suggestions of what I can do to improve my recovery.
Keep coming back and sharing, we care.