i never believed that this could happen to me
i am not new in faa. it has been my home since november 2010. and i had a great abstinent life for almost a year and half. abstinence, going to the meetings, reporting my food plan to my sponsor, being accountable to my sponsor, making outreach calls, reading literature were my lifeline.
since last 2 months i had a terrible time with food and my recovery. on april 16 i was admitted to the hospital (for 29 days) because of a severe stomach ache. the first thing that the doctors did was to stop my FAA food plan. they told me that whole grains and animal protein were not good for my elementary system. i told them about my food addiction and they did not believe in it. they put me to processed food and i lost my abstinence. i relapsed in the hospital. the doctors put me to DNA test and told me that i am not a food addict. they said that my binging and purging was due to the fact that i have bulimia. so they put me to a structured eating (not s/w/f free) and also sent me to therapy. everyone convinced me that i was not a food addict - and all i am - is a bulimic. they did not let me attend any faa meeting - they also took away my literature. they said that those were creating psychological impacts on me and making me believe that i am a food addict. i obeyed them but my physical restlessness kept increasing and i relapsed for several times. i got so scared that i went back to the hospital again and stayed there for 2 more weeks and they told me the same thing. they told me that i relapse because my bulimic body is scared of starving and food deprivation. finally i put my foot down and expressed my opinion to come back to faa. the doctors had pity on me and they released me from the hospital this morning. but they did told me that they still don't believe in food addiction.
i am coming back to faa. please pray for me because it will take me a lot of effort to get abstinent - as we say in faa - "it is easier to stay abstinent than to get abstinent." i need your support and encouragement even more than before. right now as you can imagine - i am in a very depressing and vulnerable state of mind and have lost all hopes. i am feeling so lonely and isolated and lost all my confidence.
many beautiful people in faa know me - i think. i was proud to be one of the most active members in this program. my name is dina. i used to stay in indiana. now i stay in pennsylvania.
i shall be grateful if you share your experiences of recovering from relapse.
thanks a lot. regards...