i never believed that this could happen to me
i am not new in faa. it has been my home since november 2010. and i had a great abstinent life for almost a year and half. abstinence, going to the meetings, reporting my food plan to my sponsor, being accountable to my sponsor, making outreach calls, reading literature were my lifeline.
since last 2 months i had a terrible time with food and my recovery. on april 16 i was admitted to the hospital (for 29 days) because of a severe stomach ache. the first thing that the doctors did was to stop my FAA food plan. they told me that whole grains and animal protein were not good for my elementary system. i told them about my food addiction and they did not believe in it. they put me to processed food and i lost my abstinence. i relapsed in the hospital. the doctors put me to DNA test and told me that i am not a food addict. they said that my binging and purging was due to the fact that i have bulimia. so they put me to a structured eating (not s/w/f free) and also sent me to therapy. everyone convinced me that i was not a food addict - and all i am - is a bulimic. they did not let me attend any faa meeting - they also took away my literature. they said that those were creating psychological impacts on me and making me believe that i am a food addict. i obeyed them but my physical restlessness kept increasing and i relapsed for several times. i got so scared that i went back to the hospital again and stayed there for 2 more weeks and they told me the same thing. they told me that i relapse because my bulimic body is scared of starving and food deprivation. finally i put my foot down and expressed my opinion to come back to faa. the doctors had pity on me and they released me from the hospital this morning. but they did told me that they still don't believe in food addiction.
i am coming back to faa. please pray for me because it will take me a lot of effort to get abstinent - as we say in faa - "it is easier to stay abstinent than to get abstinent." i need your support and encouragement even more than before. right now as you can imagine - i am in a very depressing and vulnerable state of mind and have lost all hopes. i am feeling so lonely and isolated and lost all my confidence.
many beautiful people in faa know me - i think. i was proud to be one of the most active members in this program. my name is dina. i used to stay in indiana. now i stay in pennsylvania.
i shall be grateful if you share your experiences of recovering from relapse.
thanks a lot. regards...
I remember you!
And you are right, that even those doctors who believe in food addiction don't understand it and how can they if they can eat a moderate meal and stop. I had a doctor tell me just recently that I need to be as stubborn as I was in the beginning of this journey and even though I do have a stubborn streak, stubbornness had nothing to do with my becoming abstinent - it by the Grace of my Higher Power.
Will keep you in my prayers, Dina. Keep coming back - we are stronger with you here with us.
i know you remember me. you are VERY important in my life. you taught me the value of abstinence and made my initial recovery so much easier for me. i am ever grateful to you for that. i appreciate your response. thanks a lot dear.
Hope to see you at the online meetings again. The Friday night open chat is at 9pm Eastern. The FAALoop meeting has been very strong this past year and lots of good topics have been discussed.
Keep coming back - we're stronger with you here with us.
thank you dear
thanks a lot justfortoday,
i will surely go to the friday 9pm online meeting.
So happy to see you here, hope you are recovering from your stays in the hospital.....geesh, what an experience. I think doctors just aren't educated enough or up to date on the latest research....bulimia is a problem, I started when about 14 and am now 73, some years it was bad, other years it calmed down, who knows why? I think it is a compulsion and hard to resist, also I have to be careful not to stuff myself so I have a really full stomach because that makes it tempting.
Originally Posted by dina
You know yourself the best, Dina, sugar is an addiction just like drugs, no matter what they say, and getting it out of our system is so much better because we can think clearly....and make better decisions...it does take about 2 weeks of withdrawal but it is possible with help online and prayer, if you pray....or help from friends or family.....if you are young and dealing with the food issue now, good for you.....but we all know there is a lot more involved, learning to deal with emotions without stuffing them down with food is the thing and that's where some counseling from someone you like and respect can help.....and finding other things to make us happy and keep us busy, showing ourselves love in other ways....I wish you the best, Dina, keep coming back, don't beat yourself up about it, you are human just like the rest of us, life has so much more to offer than food, what are your favorite things to do, what makes you happy?
Marilyn in Ohio
thank you marilyn
thanks a lot for the kind response. you are right - i know myself and my body the best. i am addicted to food and there is no doubt about it. thanks again for giving me the time frame of 14 days. i think i can wait until then. i also need to deal with my emotions. my major challenge is my loneliness. i have a wonderful family and i am in my dream profession. sometimes, i ask my higher power the reason for me becoming an addict. may be if i was there with my family, i wouldn't have become an addict.
right now, i am on my first day of abstinence. please pray for me so that i can take it slowly and one day at a time.
47 days later and 28 pounds lighter
i just want to thank you all for your prayers and support. I am 47 days binging and purging free. i follow the FAA food plan as it is written - not a bite more and not a bite less. i go to at least 1 phone meeting everyday and call my FAA friends whenever i feel like. recovery is making "magic" for me. I have lost 28 pounds and am feeling great!!
today was quite challenging for me. i escaped a bad accident, i had an argument with my computer technicians, and also with my electricity people. but I neither picked up nor over-exercised on that. after coming back home, i felt terrible and so i cried and and yelled but thanks to my higher power, I did not eat. may be today is a day when I should realize that life is full of ups and downs and there are other ways to deal with emotions than finding all the comfort in food.
i am thankful to all of you for your endless love and affection. you all are the best.
Originally Posted by dina
I just had to say, "Wow"! That is great news, thank you for sharing, that is wonderful to hear!
Keep it up, you seem so happy!
thanks a lot for the response. i am very happy indeed. there is nothing like recovering from food addiction. i still have my emotions which are good and bad. severe emotions are very disturbing to me because i have bipolar syndrome. i know the "high" and i definitely know the "low." but in recovery, i cry when i am sad, i listen to music when i am happy, i read literature when i feel vulnerable. my FAAmily has given me the strength to encounter my emotions and deal with them. my first sponsor and my current sponsor are always there with me when i need them. i dont have to go to doctors or nutritionist or dietician when i am in the program. i get my treatment and my therapy in FAA. isn't that amazing? ofcourse i am happy and i owe all my happiness to my FAAmily.