surrender to the higher power

[rosalae]

when life gets out of control I say the serenity prayer a few times and give my life and my will over to my higher power
there is so much I have no control over and I can't redo the world so I have to give up and pray for answers
i am getting into the habit and I can get to that place of surrender more quickly every day
the world will not end and the sun will shine in the morning
today i do the best I can and leave the results to G-d
I am grateful to this program for introducing me to a kinder more loving higher power
I made a few outreach call and only found one person at home and while talking to her I remembered the loup and decided to go there and post
I am so glad I did
I go to a meeting every day and read and share and i try to make calls but do not always find people
at least I leave a message and maybe some will call back

[pinki]

invitation to higher power in sponsor-sponsee relationship

lately, i happen to talk to my sponsor in the day time as opposed to evenings. although this is not a pattern but sometimes we call each other in the morning. one morning i was scheduled to call her after my breakfast. that day we were reading from the "sponsorship" section of the green book and having discussion on that topic. when we talk we talk a lot about our higher power. my sponsor explains to me her concept of higher power and i tell her my image of my higher power. and of course, i LOVE those conversations.

that morning while discussing the "sponsorship" topic, my sponsor asked me to invite my higher power into our relationship. i got very confused. i know how to pray, i know how to express my feelings to my higher power, i know how to pray together with other people, and i am also learning how to surrender all my powerlessness to my higher power. but i have never invited my higher power in any relationship - this is a concept that is absolutely foreign to me.

i told my sponsor that i don't know how to do that. i also requested her to show me how to do that. then my sponsor spoke to her higher power (and i wish i could remember those words!!) and invited her higher power in our relationship. i was so touched and amazed to hear her prayer. then, she asked me to do the same. so i did, prayed to my higher power and invited the Divine in our relationship. again, i don't remember what i said, at that time the words came out of my mouth quite involuntarily. but my sponsor said that it was good and she liked the way i prayed and invited my higher power in our relationship.

the foundation of a sponsor-sponsee relationship is mutual trust, honesty, and faith. by inviting our higher power in the relationship, we make this foundation stronger. at the same time, i learned that i can invite my higher power in all my relationships that i value and that are precious to me. i want the same foundation in all my relations with other people. it was an amazing experience for me and i could not have asked for a better start of the day.

i am grateful to my sponsor for bringing me another step closer to my higher power, i am grateful to my higher power for blessing me with my sponsor, and i am grateful to FAA for my connections to my higher power and my sponsor.

[step3]

That is just beautiful, pinki. Thanks so much for sharing with us. It reminds me of the part in the FAA Green Book which mentions inviting the Higher Power into the sponsor-sponsee relationship. Here's what it says:

Sponsorship is the glue that binds us together in recovery. Take care, and know that when our Higher Power is invited into each sponsoring relationship, the path we follow is safe and sure. Keep coming back, and stay abstinent, no matter what!

-- FAA Green Book, page 50

Blessings to you as you continue in your new abstinence and recovery, pinki!

step3

[pinki]

gift of FAA - gift of abstinence and recovery

i am not a smart person. but i am a hard worker. to accomplish something i need to work twice as much as compared to other people. thus i spend a lot of time at work (in my office) to get done with my agenda. at work, when i feel tired or restless, i take a break. in my addiction days, i used to take those breaks by going online and browsing the weight-loss sites, diet sites, or food-related sites that are focused on all kinds of sugar, wheat, and flour.

day before yestreday (wednesday, january 26, 2011), sometime in the late afternoon, i felt like taking a break from work. and as usual i went online to look at sites that are remotely related to my work. however, after sometime, i realized that i was searching for 'prayers.' yes, you read it right - i was looking at different types of prayers - prayers for peace, prayers for happiness, prayers for solitude, prayers for surrender, morning prayers, night prayers, and many more. and believe me, i found my journey through prayers much more refreshing and rejuvenating than the other sites which i generally browsed.

it took me no time to realize that this is a precious gift that i have received from FAA via my abstinence and recovery. guess what! i am planning to make a notebook for myself to collect prayers. how is that for a new hobby? - a spiritual hobby!!

[step3]

How wonderful, Pinki! I love the idea of a notebook for the new prayers you are coming across. I also like the idea of writing in our journals the new ways we find ourselves behaving in our FAA recovery. It's nice to be able to look back and remember the growth. I've had the idea of doing this, but haven't actually done it yet. In your case, this is something new: rather than feed the obsession with sugar/flour/wheat by browsing weight loss sites, you found yourself looking for prayers. Nice! :P

Thanks so much, Pinki, for continuing to come back to post of your milestones in your recovery journey. It is so inspiring, and it's a precious service you are giving to others (and yourself as well) by freely sharing your experience/strength/and hope with us. God bless you.

Hugs,
step3

[pinki]

miracle after miracle

my last post in this message board was on january 28, 2011. since then a lot of things happened in my life. i had multiple engagements and commitments and did not get an opportunity or time to make any further postings. i was in the job market and looking for a permanent position. my first job interview (on november 2011) which i thought went very well ended up in a rejection. i was sad and anxious after that. few of the key lessons i learned in my recovery are: (1) to trust my higher power with all my life, (2) to have faith on myself, and (3) to hope for everything that are good and positive.

on january 30, 2011, i traveled outside my home for the first time after my abstinence. it was another job interview. i had to go to another state to give a job talk in a university. and i had to be there for 3 days since the interview was for 2 days. my hosts took me out for breakfast, dinner, and lunch. with the help of my sponsor i planned and carried all my food. but to my dismay, majority of the food was confiscated in the airport. i was scared and nervous and wondered how to maintain my abstinence. then i remembered, "let go and let god." also, "one day at a time." i told myself that i will focus on today and not think about tomorrow. i knew that my higher power has all the best intentions for me and so i left my abstinence in the hands of my higher power. i went to all the restaurants where my hosts took me to. i carefully ordered all my food making sure that those were clean and abstinent. whenever i got time, i went to phone meetings, read literature and called my sponsor and people in my support group. it was challenging but, thanks to my higher power, i managed to remain abstinent during my traveling days. i was hoping to return home on the third day, but due to adverse weather condition, my flight got canceled and i was boarded in a hotel near the airport with no food. i found a small restaurant near the hotel and called my sponsor. she told me exactly what to find there and how to custom-make my order. i am grateful to her. thus, i came back from the trip abstinent. the entire experience was nothing less than a miracle for me. on february 7, i went for another interview and thanks to my higher power, i got clean food in more-or-less all the restaurants and remained abstinent...another miracle.

yesterday, i received my long coveted job offer. i am thrilled and excited - to have a permanent job. now when i sit and think back, i can explain my rejections and acceptances. during my first job interview (november 2010), i was in addiction. all i could think at that time was my supply and intake of food. i lost the capability to focus on my job talk and do a good interview. but in the later interviews, i was a different person - thanks to my abstinence and recovery. i paid more attention on the jobs and my compatibility with those positions. i was in a much better state physically, mentally and did a better job with my interviews...one more miracle.

today, i don't have words to express my heart-felt gratitude to FAA and to my higher power.

[here42da]

Thank you Pinki for yourwonderful story of hope, and surrender to the Higher Power,
I was truly inspired as I read and was reminded about going to any length in our need to be abstinent and in recovery. Thanks again, for taking the time to share with the rest of us. We are always learning from each other.

[TYGtoday]

Congratulations on your new job, Pinki! :D That is wonderful news, and it's so nice of you to share it with us here in Online Support. One of the lessons you said you learned was to trust in your Higher Power, and I love that you started this topic/thread when you first started in Food Addicts Anonymous with the title, "Surrender to the Higher Power". It's like you've known that lesson right from the very beginning, and have had times to practice it. I know for me, it was practicing that surrender, time after time, in different situations, that led me to have the firm trust in the God of my understanding that I've been developing over time. God has never let me down!

Keep coming back, Pinki... and keep sharing, please. I enjoy hearing how you're doing.

TYG

[pinki]

my first FAA retreat

from april 1 to april 3, 2011, i attended my first FAA retreat (mid-west retreat) at lincolnshire, illinois - the theme of the retreat was "leap of FAAith." approximately 30 loving food addicts registered for the retreat and i had an opportunity to meet all of them. we were a diverse group of people in terms of our ages, phases of recovery, and experiences with FAA. nevertheless, we were connected with the string of our biological disorder towards sugar, wheat, and flour. on the first day, soon after registration, we had a regular face to face meeting. it was my first face to face meeting that i ever attended in FAA. it was extremely significant for me that way - and i had a wonderful experience in that meeting. before the meeting one member made us go through a "self-imagery" meditation journey, where we visualized 3 phases of our addiction and recovery: during addiction, initial days at FAA, and our lives now. the journey was amazing - i visualized shame and loneliness in my addiction days which got converted into taking the "leap of faith" at FAA during my initial days and now i have many FAAmily members who love me unconditionally without judging me on any level. today i feel loved and cared for. my FAAmily members are always there for me when i am sad, depressed, and vulnerable. they become happy when i am happy and they become concerned when i encounter challenges. i am so grateful for that.

the second day of the retreat began early in the morning with a relaxing yoga session. by mistake, i went to the session with all dressed up - i was wearing my favorite skirt. i decided not to do the yoga because i may sweat my make-up off and make my skirt dirty. a loving person sensed my dilemma and invited me to join the yoga session and asked me to stand right beside her. i hesitantly joined the session - but thank god i did that. it was quite relieving and rejuvenating. i enjoyed all the poses and stretches without affecting my make-up or my cute red skirt. my stiff muscles felt relaxed and flexible, the stiffness behind the back of my neck simply vanished. and i was ready to attend the rest of the events for the day.

the second event on the second day was a workshop on "facing the fear and doing it anyways.' the leader was kind and compassionate. she started the workshop by sharing her life experiences with all of us - she talked about the challenges she had, the fear she encountered, and the steps she took to face the fears, and how her abstinence and recovery has enhanced all her conversations with her fear. her talk was not only intense but was also very inspiring. after her share, she asked us to write the one fear (among many others) that captured us and what did we do to face it. people shared their experiences one after the other. i was amazed to see how people willingly shared their fears and limitations. i learned a lot from all their shares - i also cried and laughed with them.

the second workshop was called "let go and let god.' the beautiful leader not only shared her own story but also made us do a wonderful exercise. she distributed small pieces of paper among us. we wrote the issues and concerns that are bothering us. then we folded the paper in a fist and threw the paper in front of us symbolizing that we have surrendered the concern (that was not in our control) to our loving higher power. and then she distributed little colorful lego pieces among all of us. those little lego pieces represented our freedom from the concerns on which we have no control. this exercise was very important for me, because sometimes i cannot understand/realize what are the things that are bothering me. currently i am in the middle of writing 2 research papers and i also have 2 relocation to do in the span of next 4 months. however, i thought that those were my responsibilities and i have absolute control over them. but during the workshop i realized that i was becoming stressed out by thinking about them. i realized my powerlessness and surrendered those issues to my higher power. and boy!! i did feel a great sense of relief in so doing. i am grateful for both these workshops.

in the early evening we had a craft session where a very talented member taught us how to make awesome bracelets with safety pins and beads. i made a bracelet for myself with red and white beads that matched my skirt and i wore the bracelet all day that day. the craft session was SO much fun. i am grateful for that.

in the evening of the second day, there was a speaker session, where a member (with very strong and admirable recovery) shared her story with us. i was inspired by her story especially the way she connected her positive recovery experiences with the promises of FAA. her story not only gave me a lot of hope but it contributed a lot in my recovery. i am grateful to her for being the speaker that evening and enlightening me with her life experiences. after the speaker session, we had a raffle game. since my raffle numbers were not called, 2 very kind members gave me their own winning tickets so that i can get some gift. and needless to say that i had lots of fun. i am glad that the organizers could collect more that $600 for the FAA world service office. i am grateful for having such an inspiring and fun-filled day.

the third day ended with another speaker session. this speaker also has a great recovery. when she told her story, it appeared to me like a novel. it was very emotional and heartfelt. at the end of her speech she took us to a meditation journey where she asked us to see ourselves as little colorful butterflies who have got transformed from the caterpillar of addiction. now the little butterflies are free to explore the world with sanity and confidence. when we opened our eyes from the meditation we found little paper butterflies in front of us that the speaker herself distributed while giving us the meditation journey. i had goosebumps when i saw those butterflies. i am grateful for the last session.

in the course of the retreat we did a lot of formal and informal mingling. we had lunch together. we had tea together. some of us went out for a walk to enjoy the nature and each others' company. we held hands and told each other that "we care." the bond of FAA fellowship came to life for me in that retreat. i am a homesick person. i do not like traveling or spending nights outside my home. but believe me, for the first time in my life, in those 3 days, i did not feel like coming back home and neither did i miss my parents or my sister (whom i miss all the time). my FAAmily showered me with love, kindness, and compassion. they listened to all my drawbacks and limitations and showed me how to forgive myself and how to work to improve my situation in every little aspect of life. i came back home yesterday - with a heavy heart and lots of fond memories. i am surely looking forward to attend the next FAA retreat.

i am grateful that i could go to this retreat. i am grateful to my higher power. i am grateful to FAA. i am grateful to my precious FAAmily.

regards,
pinki