surrender to the higher power

[pinki]

dear sheldonia,

thank you so much for the encouraging and inspirational words. i have also decided to take vegetable trays (without cheese and dips) and fruit trays (without sugary dips) to the parties. actually, people like it when someone brings something healthy. i have promised myself that whenever i will have herbal tea (no licorice and no carob) in the coffee shops, i will tell myself that i am having something that is good for me - instead of thinking that i am depriving myself from the "delicious" stuff.

i am trying my best to hang in there and take things one day at a time. i am so grateful to my hp and my wonderful sponsor.

[arleneh8745]

Take it one day at a time, one hour at a time. .Focus on the people. and eat before you go to a party if you can or bring your food. No one will even notice, and if they do, your taking care of your health.
You can make a phone call, text someone , pray, do what you need to do for your abstience.
please keep coming back.
your FAA friend
Arlene
;)

[pinki]

a dream and a luncheon

when i was in addiction, i often had nightmares. all the unpleasant memories from my past used to haunt me in my nightmares. many times, i remember, that i woke up in tears and pain. last night (after 8 years) i had a dream, a very very happy dream. i saw that i was at home with my mother and father. three of us were praying and singing together. this morning too, i woke up in tears. but there was no pain. i realized that those were my tears of happiness. i don't have words to express my gratitude to my hp, my sponsor, and the FAA fellowship.

today, i had to go to a business luncheon. i already informed the organizers last week, that i will not eat anything because it would not be my meal time. as expected, there was a huge buffet with tons of food. there were also fruits and vegetables. i served myself a glass of water and went to the seat that was assigned to me. one of my senior colleagues (who not know that i am a terrible food addict) came to me and requested me to have at least some fruits and vegetables. i told her that it was not my lunch time. then she told me, "but you can always have fruits and vegetables!" i smiled and told her that i did not feel like eating anything. she was very kind and did not insist me anymore. but as long as i was there in the luncheon, i was sad. i missed all the foods. and for few moments i also missed my food addiction days. i felt quite uncomfortable there sitting with a glass of water when everybody else was eating. i also restricted my self from having decaf coffee and decaf tea. during the event, i participated in the panel, made my presentation, and did all the socialization that i was expected to do. but i kept missing the food and the act of eating. i was in a depressed mood even long after the luncheon was over and was praying to my hp all the time. suddenly, i remembered my dream from last night. if abstinence can gift me wonderful dreams like the one i had last night, then i am ready to attend all the luncheons in my life with just a glass of water.

[step3]

Dear Pinki,

That's wonderful, that you had such a special dream about you with your parents. I am enjoying reading about the gratitude, along with other feelings, that you are having in your new abstinence. Speaking for myself, being able to have any feelings at all has been a true gift of abstinence and recovery. I had stuffed my feelings down with food for so long that I lost the ability to feel anything and was emotionally numbed out for a long time before I came to FAA. I was sad beyond words about my disability in this area, and even cried about the loss of my emotions on occasion, but even while sobbing, I felt nothing.

Now I feel all kinds of emotions, including wonderful warm waves of gratitude sometimes, joy, and sadness or anger, among others. I have come alive in abstinence and recovery. When an emotion is uncomfortable, I allow myself to have it now without trying to run away from myself as I used to by pushing the feeling down with food. Then I say a prayer to my Higher Power and ask for the emotion to be removed. Sometimes (often) that happens, but when it doesn't, I have other options with the Tools for Recovery (pps. 287-290 in the FAA Green Book).

I understand your sadness from your luncheon and I believe I would have felt similarly when I was newly abstinent. Not only were you there in a professional capacity, to make a presentation to your colleagues, but also you were there for socializing and the conviviality we find with others. Eating together is a big part of many social gatherings, and I think I would have been feeling left out in your situation.

What I did when I was in early recovery and had a situation like this coming up, was discuss it with my sponsor. I learned that eating with the others (even considering the timing of my meals) actually was one option available. I myself would choose to have a cup of herbal tea (I don't drink coffee or decaf coffee anymore). I bring herbal tea bags with me in a baggie so I can be sure it'll be available. Speaking for myself, If I decided to have only water, it would have been been because I was angry with myself for being a food addict and not able to eat like "everyone else" anymore. Having only the water (this is only how I'd be feeling!) would have been a way to punish myself. I know I did have all kinds of feelings about the fact of my food addiction and that my body has a biochemical illness, but I came to not only admit it but also to have peace and acceptance about it in my heart. This happened through my work with the 12 Steps and by going to meetings and sharing there. I also talked about these feelings with my sponsor and with other FAA members during Outreach calls.

There are many, many options for how I can deal with my food addiction in social situations. I always talk to my sponsor whenever I have a question on things like this, and it really helps a lot.

Abstinence and recovery is a process and a journey, not a destination or a final result. We keep coming, we keep sharing, we keep following suggestions, and we keep learning and growing. You are doing all of this, Pinki. You are doing so, so well and I love that you're right where you're supposed to be for today! :D

Hugs,
step3

[pinki]

dear step 3,

thank you so much for your reply. your post is very encouraging and motivating. i appreciate your kindness and compassion. i also value all the suggestions that you have made in your post. i completely accept the fact that abstinence and recovery is a journey and not a destination. it is my new life-style and i have embraced it. today is my 22nd day of abstinence. it is just the beginning and the food addict in me is still very much alive. that is why, i often feel vulnerable, especially in social gatherings.

i completely agree with you that with my constant connection to the FAA fellowship, by talking to my sponsor, by attending meetings, making outreach calls, offering service, and surrendering to my hp, i will be able to obtain the peace and strength to confront my vulnerabilities. i do have faith in the program and am taking one day at a time. i pray all the time to my hp to bless me with the patience and willingness, so that i can remain abstinent today, tomorrow and every day that follows.

for today, i am grateful to have 21 abstinent days. i am grateful to being able to attend as many online and phone meetings as i can. i am grateful to have a kind and caring sponsor. i am grateful that my hp has connected me to the wonderful fellowship of FAA.

regards...

[Diane]

Hi Pinki,

I would like to take this opportunity to share my experience, strength and hope with you relative to food addiction disease. The title of your post "surrender to the higher power" truly caught my eye. Before coming to Food Addicts Anonymous I did not know anything about food addiction disease. I did not know about 12 step recovery.

i came to FAA in September of 2005 by way of the telephone meetings. I did not become abstinent right away. I wanted to do it my way with my own will. Even though I was so scared to death for my life (weighing in at close to 400 lbs. and diabetic), I still would not surrender my will to the will of my Higher Power. After two months of going to the telephone meetings, I hit my bottom on Thanksgiving of 2005 (I could not stop eating EVERYTHING in sight). I will never forgot Thanksgiving of 2005. On November 30, 2005, I surrendered to my Higher Power who I call God and became abstinent on the FAA food plan.

I have lost 210 lbs., my diabetes is well under control. My physician believes I will no longer need any medication. I have gone from (5) different pills per day down to (1). I no longer take panic attacks when I go out and I am developing a relationship with my God which I never dreamed possible for even knew about.

One of many readings in the FAA literature comes to my mind. The reading is titled "In The Beginning". Here is an excerpt from this reading which truly speaks of the gift of 12 step recovery relative to food addiction disease:

"......abstinence alone does not last on our own. When we do what this program prescribes, it works and it lasts. Withoout spiritual support and growth, relapse is invitable...." The reading goes onto to state that the main purpose of our FAA fellowship and our program of recovery is to help us develop that spiritual solution: a relationship with a power greater than ourselves and relieve us of the obsession with food, and help us deal with those sudden and overpowering urges to eat. When I hit my bottom, I became reachable and teachable. I became willing to go to any lengths to achieve recovery.

I remain forever grateful,
Diane
Queens4463@aol.com

[pinki]

dear diane,

your post is very inspiring to me. i am a new comer and when i hear stories like yours i feel quite encouraged and motivated. i appreciate your willingness to tell your story.

my eating disorder started in 2002. i transitioned from anorexia to bulimia many many times in the past eight years. i abused laxatives and binged until i looked like a pregnant woman. i was scared and always felt lonely, isolated and secluded even when i was with other people. my food habit affected my relationship with my family and friends. i realized something wrong was going inside me and out of desperation googled "food addiction" one day on early november 2010. i came across the FAA home page and joined the online support immediately. i became abstinent from november 17, and went to my first online meeting on november 20.

FAA made me understand that my binging was not my fault and that i have a biochemical disorder in my body that makes me crave for food when i intake, sugar, wheat and flour. i felt so much relieved that now i don't need to blame myself for my overeating. at that point of time i felt a connection to my higher power. my surrender came a bit later, after i got my sponsor (i call her my angel). she teaches me the real meaning of surrender, she teaches me the power of prayer, she encourages me to read the literature, and she guides me in each and every baby step that i take towards my recovery. whenever, i am sad and depressed, she makes me read the food for soul and the promises of FAA.

i grew up in a religious family. so, i always had faith in God. but, it is FAA and my sponsor who helped me to get connected to my higher power. everyday, i pray to my higher power so that i can surrender more to the program and embrace the fellowship of FAA. thanks to my sponsor, i attend as many online and phone meetings as possible, i pray everyday, and i write my journal whenever i feel sad and distressed. i was always familiar with the concept of higher power, but now i understand the meaning of it through my surrender and commitment to the program.

i am so grateful to my higher power for blessing me with FAA, and my sponsor.

[pinki]

i was a different person - that's what they told me

i had a very important presentation on tuesday, december 14, 2010. i prepared for the presentation - made my slides and my notes, and rehearsed in front of the mirror. on tuesday morning i gave a practice presentation in front of my research group. my supervisor liked my presentation and suggested some minor changes. i addressed those changes and practiced the presentation a couple of times before going to the seminar. it was a beautiful abstinent day. i prayed to my higher power and expressed my surrender before going to the seminar.

when i was done with my presentation and left the podium, my supervisor came to me and gave me a big hug. she told me that she knew i would do a good presentation, but when i was presenting, i looked like a different person - i looked so strong and confident, that i could rule the world. after that, many people from the audience came and congratulated me. i was so happy and thrilled. i felt the blessing of my higher power and realized that it is my abstinence and recovery that had made me a different person.

i pray to my higher power and hope to remain abstinent forever.

[TYGtoday]

Thanks so much for sharing the miracle of abstinence and early recovery with us, Pinki. Even though you are still new, you already have wonderful experience, strength, and hope to share with others. Your willingness to do that, to give service to other food addicts in this way, is a very big part in staying abstinent. A day at a time, you are remaining abstinent and others are starting to see the difference in you. I remember when people first started seeing the difference in me and remarking on it... I felt a humble gratitude for what I've been given here in FAA and I also knew what they meant because I too could feel the difference. I am thankful for this fellowship and program! And I am thankful for you, for continuing to let us know how your recovery is progressing.

God bless you, Pinki.

TYGtoday (Thank You God today)

[DianeM]

Today I was talking to one of my best friends.....she was telling me all about this party we are going to.....I told her that I now DO NOT EAT S/F/W and she was so surprised and I could tell a little upset.....MY FRIEND can eat anything she wants and NEVER gains a pound and has it all together that way.......she kept saying to me Diane...it's ok just eat a little and then it's okkkkkk I kept saying NO it's NOT ok for ME........then she would describe the foods she is making......all the candies etc.......and I was getting a little mad.....so I started praying .....I didn't want to get mad at her because she has NO IDEA what I'm going thru with the food........I just let her talk and talk and finally she stopped.....and I said THAT SOUNDS WONDERFUL........but, FOR ME I'm NOT EATING S/F/W....and she said OH OK.....

I'm thanking GOD for this......I was a bit scared when I hung up thinking in the past I would say YES just a bite or two won't hurt .....BUT IT DOES HURT ME.......

I thank all of you and FAA and GOD for my recovery......