first relapse

[jkendall05]

relapsed today... two weeks abstinent... ate something I didn't check clearly at a party... and the rest of the day I could not get enough to eat! I started with all the veggies in my fridge, then the fruit in the basket... and even ate a stash of chocolate I had given to my mother... I am not going to kick myself... I am not happy with myself for my lack of self control, I know I am an addict and it is part of the cycle. I just need to throw away all the food I can find that will trigger the binge and not eat anything except fruits and veggies when I am out (unless I bring it) and start over tomorrow.

[JustForToday]

Making that commitment to stick with the food that has been planned out for the day and given to a sponsor usually in the morning by phone or email is an important step in the process of staying abstinent. Using the tools of program are also important - getting to meetings, making outreach calls, daily journaling, prayer & meditation, the daily 10th step and working the steps daily...I need to remind myself frequently that I can't stay abstinent on yesterday's program - it's like brushing my teeth daily...my program needs to worked to the best of my ability each day and it does become more of a habit to reach for the tablet for writing in the morning to get those feelings out and onto the page where I can look at them - it often takes the sting out of frustrations and sometimes I can actually see how impatient I am with myself and others at times and how sometimes I put unrealistic expectations on them and myself as well...getting into a routine is so important - I used to dislike discipline and now I'm beginning to see that it's the one of those things that is so necessary...this is a process and a journey - just one day at a time - for me it's been about making small changes where I can each day - the willingness to look and see where I can make changes and my Higher Power is always there to help me understand what changes are needed..

Keep reaching out to us - we understand

[lindadanette]

Ugh - Me too. I made it for 60 days and loved it - but I wasn't working the program and I tanked, Now it's so hard to get back to clean eating! I have to find a sponser and start dealing with the real issues. I am so grateful that this program is alive and to the people who share on this forum!

[oragold]

Getting a sponsor is an awesome idea and has been a godsend to me. But in case it takes a while, it is a great idea to take advantage of the other resources available. From the beginning, I was delighted to be able to depend so much on the phone meetings. There are a minimum of 3 per day and some days as many as 5 or 6. In trying to restart abstinence, the main thing is having the support. The phone meetings really helped as well as giving me the opportunity to listen for someone I related to in my search for a sponsor.

Best of luck and success!

[here42da]

I remember my first relapse in FAA, and much to my disappoinment it wasn't the last one either. But, having just read the information recently pertaining to identifying the relapse process, and also listening to a phone meeting where there was a discussion pertaining to relapse, it got me to thinking about my experience.

When I started program in July of 2008, foolowing the program guidelines, using the tools, working with a sponsor, weight began coming off really fast. I seemed to avoid the warnings of others when they would refer to certain periods of time being abstinent. Most important was that at one point I mentioned to someone that this was so easy. It did seem effortless. This was after I had passed the 30 day mark. Well, needless to say. I ended up loosing my abstinence at 45 days. "YES, I DID GET COCKY ABOUT MY RECOVERY!"

I did learn from that unique experience. Just for today, I don't want to ever be in a relapse again. I want this to work for me and for the betterment of my health and sanity. so I read about the symptoms of relapse. I read how it has usually started way before, that first b/l/t (bite lick or taste). I learn from my past mistakes, and from others who share of their experience. And I take seriously what a sponsor once told me. "You might not have the promise of another recovery." It is up to me how much I am wiling to put into this desire to be in recovery.

Just for today I am willing to do everything necessary to prevent another relapse. I will do all of this one day at a time. I will try to keep my life simple, and nurture myself with special times away from the normal routine of daily tasks, and I will practice an "attitude of gratitude" as well as keeping a positive outlook. Thank you FAA for the miracles in my life today.

[squishychocolate]

Sooooo.. I'm trying this out.. determined that this isthe right choice for me.. and I didn't really discover until today.. how serious it is.. I see it so CLEARLY now. I was doing good all day.. worked out.. stuck to my diet.. and then I decided to have a cookie.. ONE cookie.. and then cake the pizza, bread sticks, frozen yogurt, oh... and guess what else!!! another cookie... I honestly didn't think it would mess me up that bad.. I thought I would have a little more control than that.. but the truth is.. I really don't have control.. My addiction has a hold on me and I've been refusing for so long now to give up power because I'm SCARED.. I don't want to be scared like this anymore.. this was my first relapes after I realized that I was an addict.. and I'm not going to punish myself for it.. Am I going to work out?? yep. But I'm not beating myself up.. I'm an addict.. and it's time to put on my big girl pants and stick to the right things for me.. so if that means cutting out sugar and flour and some forms af wheat because I can't cut out all of them due to my medical history.. then it's time to buckle down and do it.. Because I know it's worth it. and if i fall again? I'll pick right back up again.. and hopefully through this process I'll learn to nip it in the bud before I lose everything I worked for all day.. So.. with that all being said.. One day at a time.. That's all I can see is today.. Tomorrow is just another adventure on the way. :)

[step3]

Welcome back, squishy...

Thanks so much for sharing your experience/strength/hope with us in Online Support.

I am not aware that wheat, no matter the type, is a necessity for the human body. If you have been advised that this is true for you, I'd recommend checking your source for how valid it is. I did find out that putting any form of wheat into my own body (and this is said to be true for any food addict) triggers cravings for sugar, flour, and wheat. There's a wonderful page on the FAA website for helping you to know if you yourself are a food addict:

http://www.foodaddictsanonymous.org/are-you-food-addict

I didn't understand when I first came to FAA why I'd need to give up wheat, but I wanted what abstinent FAA members in recovery had. They were free from physical cravings, were not struggling every day (as I was) to keep their s/f/w intake under control, and had wonderful emotional and spiritual ways about them that I had lost because of my bingeing. I wanted what they had! And so, I was willing, after a short while, to follow the food plan as it's written. What a freedom I discovered when I did that, squishy! I no longer crave those foods that I was battling with, and more often than not, was unable to stop from putting into my body. Following the suggested FAA food plan and getting clean is only the beginning of this journey, but nothing good can really come about until that first essential step is taken. As is read at meetings of FAA, "Abstinence will open the door, and by working the 12 Steps, we can recover from this disease".

Keep coming, and come often, squishy. I like this saying too: If you don't get FAA, FAA will get you! The program does work!

Hugs,
step3

P.S. I'd like to send you a Welcome Back to FAA letter. You'll find it by going to the upper left of the forum and seeing "User Control Panel". Next to that is "x new messages" and you'll see you have a new Private Message.